NFL free agency: Hey Jim Haslam, you’re trying too hard

You need to chill out, Jim. You’re going to do more harm than good.

He’s a new owner, struggling to turn around a franchise that has the stink of losing under its fingernails. So yeah. Jim’s going to go out there guns blazing and pursue every big name free agent available this offseason. And it’s easy to see why looking at Haslam’s short career steering the franchise.

The Browns got the offseason kickstarted by firing anyone who had ever worn a suit in their building. Then they leaked word that they “almost” landed Jim Harbaugh in a batshit crazy trade for 4 high draft picks and cash. Of course, we eventually found out that the “talks” consisted of little more than Haslam picking up the phone and asking if the 49ers would be interested, and Jed York farting into the receiver and hanging up.

Now the Browns are letting the media know that they have “significant interest” in Darrelle Revis. This would be an expensive move that would team him up with Joe Haden and, yes, that sound you heard was Andy Dalton dropping himself from his own fantasy team. It’s also the mark of an owner who is overextending himself to look like a turnaround guy for beleaguered Browns fans.

They’re already dropping significant coin on an older LB:

Ok. That seems like a lot of money to spend on a 32-year old linebacker, but whatever. As long as Haslam makes sure to hang on to his own productive players instead of signing an outside free agent who does stupid stuff like change his name because he gets a lot of fines for illegal hits.

Right.

Public perception is that the Browns couldn’t get the coach they wanted, so Haslam’s going hard in the paint after players like Revis, Dansby, Whitner, and Matt Schuab, who might be a pretty big upgrade over Brandon Weeden, believe it or not. Still, this move could end up looking like the Jeff Garcia signing 10 years ago:

That’s really depressing. Almost as depressing as being on the butt end of a semi-coherent joke from Mike Florio:

We get it Haslam. You’re embarrassed that your own fans are setting up sad protests and things didn’t exactly go the way you planned during your first year. But just know that this is perfectly normal and healthy for a growing young owner. You’re right on track with the “Slimy rich new owner learning how to run an NFL team growth chart.”

Stage 1: Making a rushed hire- check

Stage 2: Overreacting and firing everyone- check

Stage 3: Having people who willingly choose to live in Cleveland question your judgment- check

Stage 4: Embarrassingly long coaching search- check

Stage 5: Overcompensating by spending a lot of money on older big-name free agents- IN PROGRESS

Stage 6: Saying you’ve “learned your lesson” and will stay out of football operations- pending

Stage 7: Forgetting stage 6- pending