We’re required to remind you that PFT Commenter’s strong takes are presented as parody. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.
The Hall of Fame roast of Michael Strahan
It’s not the Hall of Very Good, people forget that.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
Wow folks its great to be here tonight honoring a Michael Strahan one of the leagues premere defense of ends.Some of you have come along way to be here tonight in Canton. I see weve got Jay Glazer from Las Angeles, Justin Tuck made the trip from career purgatory, and I spoke with one man who had traveled all the way from Michaels left incisor to be here. Weve got a great lineup and I hope you laugh half as hard as Mike pretends to every Sunday on the Fox pregame show.
PFT Commenter Roast, no offense
PFT Commenter Roast, no offense
Tom Coughlin its great to see you could make it out. Between Michael smiling out there on the field and Eli walking a round with his mouth tire-jacked open its no wonder Toms Giansts led the league in "bugs accidently swallowed" for most of his tenure. Strahan had a great career with you Tom, but lets be honest he faded a way there towards the end. Mike was with out a doubt the worst player that you negligently kept on the Giants who isnt banging your daughter.
Tom its good to see your taking care of your skin during the ofseason, the last time I saw you it looked like Mike Shanahan had passed out in Cabo San Lucas. Im teling you if your skin got any redder President Obama would try to force you to change your name. Tom Im sorry if some of these jokes are over the line here but you half to admit its better that there a little bit out've bounds then if I just gave them all to Desean Jackson.
Tiki Barber is here, everyone pretend youre a 14 year old virgin and give it up for him. Tikis the Marlon Wayans of the NFL fokls: his twin works harder then him, no one takes him serously on TV, and he got alot of shit for being in White Girls. Hey Tiki is it embarassning that you were on TV first and then Michael Strahan came a long and was better then you? Im not kidding folks NBC dropped Tiki Barber like he was a football being carried by Tiki Barber.
Glad to see Eli could make it out tonight, I know your busy with playing chutes and ladders and doing Paddington Bear cosplays Eli. Really shocked that Strahan didnt have you make his introdcuton speech at his cermony given all your experence turning things over to defensive players. Youve had a bad couple years as you get older buddy, I havent seen any one go down hill this fast after turning 30 since I looked at woman! no offense to women.
But folks were all hear to celebrate Michael Strahan, “the man of the hour” as hes known during his weekly visits to his hand full of children.
Michales now the co-host of “Live! With Michael and Kelly”, where hes been working with the lovley Ms. Ripa for a couple years now which is the longest time hes ever spent with a woman without having to give her halve his money. Mike Im not saying you get divorced alot, but youve lost more rings then Golum, oh wait Im sorry thats just Kathy Lee Gifford without her makeup on, not to be mean.
We all remember when Strahan got that record braking sack back in 2001. I recall Brett Farve letting Strahan tackle him and Farve telling him not to tell reporter’s the truth about it.. You and Brett seemed to realy have a thing for each other Mike, and I woudnt be suprised it thats not the only part of your history with Farve when a part of him has been lying through your teeth.
All kidding aside Mike you had a great NFL career and were glad to see you go in the Hall of Fame, that gold jackets going to look great on you, and if its to big you can always just use it to floss. God bless you all and enjoy the NFL season.
See More:
