We’re required to remind you that these strong takes are PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.
Presenting a long awaited social media win for Washington: RG3mixes
The hottest new social media trend in the NFL.
Rob Carr
The Washington’s social media team has certainly had there fair share of messes when it comes to establishing a fective social media campaigns. Whether its getting caught inventing the “grassroots” account “@Redskinsfacts” or just being a dick in general, theyve had worse success off the field then on it. Well dont worry,, Im here to help.
Its no secret that Im excited to say the least for dawn of the Kirk Cousins era to begin. I call it “the AD era” for “After Diva” and it signifys a turning point in our society as whole,, Kirk “The Graveyard Shift” Cousins is here to make pocket passing cool again. Hows he going to do this? Through a agresive socialmedia and PR campaign highlighting that you know whats REALLY cool kids? game management and lunchpail mechanics. The social media campaign is called #RG3mixes, and basically its just taking popular songs and making them about Cousins mental acuity and Robert Griffin being a overated injury prone basically worst person in the world.
#RG3Mixes trend it folks.
The Hottest Taeks
Lets get things started with some basic stuff here,, its R Kellys classic song Ignition.
RG3mix to ignition
Backup QB edition
Now that Kirk Cousin is playing
There going to win there division
(RG3 throws a pass) Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce
Its the remix to igniton,
Washington name change edition,,
The only people offended
are liberal PC Policemen.
Now for some user suggestons. First were going with a jam by Notorious ACL
@PFTCommenter I love when you're ankle goes poppa. Throw your hands in the ayer,, Cousins a elite playa — Greg D (@Evilmechanic) September 18, 2014 I call this one The Grateful Red(skins):
High ankle sprain,
He was doing cocaine
KC owns, you better hit youre hot read
Shovel pass left
Bubble screen right
Who needs a 4.3 forty when youve got a Elitely fast mind?
This ones from PFTC subscriber Dan Harrington. Its called “Drops of JupiteRG3” or if you say it fast maybe “Drops of Jaygruden”
Now he’s back to not being medically cleared,
With beads of corn rows in his hair hey hey hey
He acts like a diva and walks in pain,
Reminds me that it’s time to change (QBs) hey hey hey
Since the reurn of RGknee,
The Redskins are literally 3-13 hey hey hey hey hey hey
But tell me, was failing that much fun
Did you wish you watched more film
Instead of getting faded/
Man RG3 is over rated
RG3- I wish you got hit by a car (ed: no offense),
Does your knee have a permanent scar?
And did you miss the open man while you were looking for yourself out there?
Now some Biz Marknee:
Oh RG you
Your out for week 3
Your ankles not suppose to bend
The read options just a trend
Griffin calls a play in the huddle were he has to pass the ball downfield and looks at Jackson Garcon, and Roberts:
See you at the cross routes, cross routes, cross cross routes
(he gets ready to pass)
And Im gonna miss every body
And Im gonna miss every body
RG3 visiting a medical supply store:
Gimme the boot! Gimme the boot!
Heres a little diddy from a band from Atlanda called Outclassed:
@PFTCommenter I'm sorry RG-3, but Kirk is for reeeal Never meant to steal your starting seat But there's only one QB who is elite #RG3mixes
— Andrew Harris (@amharris26) September 19, 2014 “Footsie Roll”
Come on RG Threezy throw! Let me see that footsie roll
to the left to the left ,to the right to the right,
to the front, to the front, to the back to the back.
You cant slide, you cant slide, you cant slide, cant slide
Heres a hit by Griffins favorite band “Drop a Coach”
cut my leg In to peaces This is my 4th best sport Laceraton knee bleeding Got shanahans fired cuz i sleep throug meetings #RG3mixes
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) June 27, 2014 And finally a little song I call “Twerk Cousins” (h/t BobbyBigWheel) by the Ying Yang twins:
He got his hands grabbin his knee and and his cornrolls are tied
Heres Captain Kirk cause Griffins hurt and I can tell hes excited
Kirk got me hype not cuz hes white, but cuz hes all about pride,
Not “I, I, I, I, I”
(sound of tight spiral)
Anyways,, your welcome Washington PR department. This is one of the most important weeks in the History of the NFL and we need to make sure to give it the proper celebraton. I will be accepting suggestons for RG3mixes all day. God bless Kirk Cousin’s and God Bless America.
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