This is The Hurry-Up for Week 10, making fun of Sunday’s game as quickly as possible.
Every Week 10 NFL game from Sunday, disrespected in about 2 minutes
It took more than 11 hours to play all of Sunday’s NFL games, and just over two minutes to mercilessly disparage them all ... except for Jacksonville-Baltimore, because there’s no joke that’s meaner than what the Ravens did to themselves.Watch on YouTube | Subscribe to SB Nation on YouTube
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10, Dallas Cowboys 6 — Tampa Bay beat Dallas 10-6, but let's focus on the real winners: anyone who didn't watch this game.
Miami Dolphins 20, Philadelphia Eagles 19 — Mark Sanchez had to step in and lose the game for the Eagles. You're never gonna believe this, but it turns out Sam Bradford has a bit of the injury bug. GASP!
Washington 47, New Orleans Saints 14 — Kirk Cousins completed 80% of his passes and threw for four touchdown passes as Washington put up 47 points on the Saints. Rob Ryan is the most inexplicably employed person in New Orleans since, like, every mayor the city's ever elected.
Detroit Lions 18, Green Bay Packers 16 — The final score from Lambeau was Detroit 18, Green Bay 16, which is also the number of jobs open in each city this month. It's the first time in 24 years the there have been open jobs in Detroit.
Pittsburgh Steelers 30, Cleveland Browns 9 — Ben Roethlisberger set an NFL record for passing yards by a backup QB, because the BROWNS are the only team who could injure a starting QB to bring the first-string QB into the game.
Chicago Bears 37, St. Louis Rams 13 — With the Bears beating the Rams and the Cubs knocking the Cardinals out of the playoffs, add football and baseball to the list of things Chicago does better than St. Louis, along with art, architecture, business, education, public transit, cuisine, hockey, and infrastructure. St. Louis still killing that Arch game, though.
Carolina Panthers 27, Tennessee Titans 10 — Carolina's 9-0 after beating Tennessee, but they might not make the playoff if they don't win the ACC title game.
Minnesota Vikings 30, Oakland Raiders 14 — So apparently I have a haircut bias. I'm against Adrian Peterson whipping his child, but I'm totally cool with him beating Al Davis's son. Bowl cut had it comin'.
Kansas City Chiefs 29, Denver Broncos 13 — When I watch Peyton Manning, I feel like the honest mechanic breaking it down to the guy whose car has 250,000 miles on it. "Listen buddy, I can replace the alternator and timing belt, but just buy a new car".
New England Patriots 27, New York Giants 26 — I finally understand why the NFL has tweaked its catch rules beyond anyone's comprehension: so they could stop the Giants from beating the Patriots on a game-winning catch. It's not like the Patriots were ever gonna do it.
Arizona Cardinals 39, Seattle Seahawks 32 — Relax, the Seahawks are gonna be fine. They'll piece it all together for a late run just as soon as they're done with this 7-9 season.
