Week 11 is almost in the books, which means it’s time for us to disrespect as many games as we can. This is The Hurry-up, where we recap every game from Sunday as quickly as possible.
NFL Week 11 recap: Every game from Sunday disrespected in 2 minutes
It took more than ten hours to play all of Sunday’s NFL games, and just over two minutes to mercilessly disparage them all.Watch on YouTube | Subscribe to SB Nation on YouTube
Denver Broncos 17, Chicago Bears 15 — Brock Osweiler played relatively well in his first career star, so after the game, the Broncos updated Peyton Manning's injury status to "Retired."
Detroit Lions 18, Oakland Raiders 13 —The most interesting highlight from the Lions' 18-13 victory was a 56-yard field goal for the losing team. If you didn't see it, imagine Jim Caldwell, but a football game.
Indianapolis Colts 24, Atlanta Falcons 21 — Atlanta hasn't won since they let this kid perform at a game, and the curse will live on until the Falcons reunite Outkast to play "Bombs over Baghdad" instead of the National Anthem.
Baltimore Ravens 16, St. Louis Rams 13 — Every game the Ravens have played this year has been decided by less than one score, but don't worry, losing Joe Flacco and Justin Forsett for the season should put an end to that trend.
Carolina Panthers 44, Washington Redskins 16 — Cam Newton threw 4 touchdowns in the first half but finished the game with only five. For more on this story, please see my column on Pro Football Talk, "Is Cam Newton lazy?"
Houston Texans 24, New York Jets 17 — Revis Island is in elite company after facing off against DeAndre Hopkins, joining Honshu and the Bikini Atoll as the only islands to get nuked.
Dallas Cowboys 24, Miami Dolphins 14 — Tony Romo was only mediocre in his return to the Cowboys. "Ooh, mediocre, just imagine!" said Brandon Weeden while warming his hands to a trash can fire.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 45, Philadelphia Eagles 17 — I don't want Chip Kelly to get fired, but if he goes back to college at least he'll have the chance to work with a quarterback who has pro talent.
Green Bay Packers 30, Minnesota Vikings 13 — Listen, Vikings, that division lead was like the fever dream you had after chasing Adderall with a bottle of NyQuil. It technically happened, but what you envisioned was never real.
Kansas City Chiefs 33, San Diego Chargers 3 — Dontari Poe became the heaviest man in NFL history to score a rushing touchdown. "We'll just see about that" said Eddie Lacy while putting French fries on his pizza.
Seattle Seahawks 29, San Francisco 49ers 13 — the bad news is the 49ers gave up 255 yards to an undrafted rookie. The good news is Jim Tomsula found a perfectly good hot dog in the trash. "It was still wrapped in foil, didn't have no garbage on it or nuthin."
Arizona Cardinals 34, Cincinnati Bengals 31 — After losing on Sunday night, the Bengals are just 4-16 in their last twenty primetime games. That is shocking. Four seems really high.
