As a head coach, Bruce Arians was known for colorful truisms like, “penthouse now, shithouse in a minute.” It’s one of the things that made him such a joy to cover. Now, he’ll be bringing those Zen-like insights to the broadcast booth during games as he’s set to join CBS as a game analyst this season.
Bruce Arians joins CBS’ broadcast team. Can he please bring his, uh, colorful expressions with him?
Tony Romo, but with more cussing?
Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images
Arians will join Greg Gumbel and Trent Green as part of a three-man broadcasting team, the network announced Thursday.
I have to applaud CBS here. They struck gold replacing the insufferable Phil Simms with Tony Romo on the network’s No. 1 broadcast crew. Romo’s insight into the game, the joy he had relaying that and an uncanny knack for predicting EXACTLY what was going to happen made his first season calling NFL games a huge success.
Unfortunately, there’s no way CBS is going to let Arians squeeze unvarnished colloquialisms like “it’s really not as much as who makes the play, it’s who don’t fuck it up. Don’t be the guy that fucks it up.” But he may very well drop insights like “try to make plays before the plays happen. It’s chess. It ain’t checkers.”
Will Arians have the same kind of impact as Romo? We’ll see. He was always one of those NFL coaches who never let himself get too hamstrung by talking points. And maybe that’s what CBS is going for here. You definitely have to give the network some credit for actively working to make what’s coming out of the broadcast booth way more tolerable.
As for Arians, if it doesn’t work out, I suppose he’s still got that high school guidance counselor dream to fall back on.
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