These NFL teams are ready for the season to be over. BIG MOOD

It’s Week 15 in the NFL and it felt like some teams couldn’t even. Not that I necessarily blame players for phoning it in when there’s no hope of a postseason, 10 days removed from Christmas and with almost nothing left to play for it outside of draft placing, which rewards mediocrity.

I get it. But this week there was some organizational-level incompetency that was utterly mind-blowing.

Of the 14 games played on Sunday, there were a solid seven teams that just couldn’t handle being on the field in any capacity. Today we will celebrate this septuplet of mediocrity for heading to vacation early.

Cincinnati Bengals.

Hate to start it off with a showstopper, but, man, this was great. The Bengals got off to a hot start thanks to what I can only describe delicately as ... LOL, THE PATRIOTS SPOTTED THE BENGALS 13 POINTS TO TRY AND BE ALL LIKE, “SEEEEEEEEE FILMING THEM DID NOOOOTHING!”

Sorry, got away from myself there. Anyway, yeah — I loved this so much. It was just enough of a tantalizing taste that you’d check the score now and then and say, “the Bengals might really do this!” Then halftime happened, Andy Dalton threw a whole bunch of interceptions, and the Patriots cruised to another easy win.

Perhaps the best part of all this was that the Bengals’ collapse started as soon as a few children got steamrolled by mascots at halftime.

Carolina Panthers.

I almost respect the fact there’s zero pretense behind “we have no special interest in winning.” If that’s not the point, then why Kyle Allen is still the quarterback in Carolina is beyond me.

Quarterback purists might say, “Well, it’s unfair to throw Will Grier to the wolves in games that don’t matter,” to which I remind them that Grier was selected WITH A THIRD-ROUND PICK and at this point nobody in Carolina is going to hold some bad garbage-time starts against Grier, should his games go poorly.

I mean, you can’t expect Panthers fans to overreact to a few bad games, just as they couldn’t possibly anoint a new franchise QB after three good starts ... right?

Miami Dolphins.

Entering Sunday, Eli Manning was 4-18 in games where he threw three interceptions or more. The Dolphins became No. 5 in that win column.

Checking out the box score is like one of those Magic Eye paintings of suck. At a quick glance, everything looks relatively fine. Then you stare at it more and you see the horror.

The Dolphins, like a lot of teams this week, decided to just take the second half off. They allowed 29 second-half points and for Manning to likely finish his Giants career at a perfect .500 record. I mean not perfect, but that’s perfectly Manning.

Denver Broncos.

I refuse to believe there’s a logical through line where the Broncos can obliterate the Texans, then only score three points against the Chiefs. Therefore we must believe they simply took the afternoon off.

I feel really badly for Drew Lock. I don’t know what it is about this season but the second you say something good about a quarterback, everything comes tumbling down. It happened to Ryan Tannehill, it happened to Kyle Allen, it happened to Daniel Jones. Now it’s Lock’s turn as the rookie played, well, like a rookie. Still though, 40 attempts for 208 yards is history worthy.

Lock’s performance was one of 14 this season when a quarterback attempted 40+ passes and finish with a yards per attempt of below 5.5. He joins such luminaries as Kyler Murray, Tom Brady, and Mitchell Trubisky (three times).

Los Angeles Chargers.

Any questions?

Los Angeles Rams.

It’s profoundly sad to see the Rams’ season end up here. There was so much hope after the Super Bowl. Now the realization they are THIRD best in the NFC West has to be absolutely soul-crushing.

Todd Gurley ran the ball 11 times for 20 yards against the Cowboys, LOL.

Detroit Lions.

David Bloughs.

Now, let’s go around the league.

I am so far past being angry at the Patriots for cheating, because it’s an expected quantity at this point. Instead, what I really appreciate is that they’ve just decided to be brazen about it. It suits them much better than trying to be sneaky.

Listen to this videographer try and talk his way out of being caught. It’s so bad his name might as well be Shifty McCrimesman. Every single answer he has is met with more questions, and each time he keeps digging deeper and deeper. Then he has the audacity to say, “I’m being honest with you” about claiming there’s no conceivable way the footage could be be retrieved — as if any decent cameraperson worth their salt isn’t backing everything up to an external drive on the regular.

I’m here for the desperate-ass Patriots trying to cheat each week. I want this to be a recurring theme for the rest of the season while we all hunt for them, Carmen Sandiego-style.

OK, so let me break this one down so it makes sense. According to the NFL rulebook on coin tosses, a winning team must select one of two “privileges” when it wins:

But the team also have a third option, which is to defer its choice until the start of the second half. According to the rules, it merely requires the coin toss winner to inform referees of the decisions PRIOR to the second half commencing, and the rules say this is binding.

Here’s how this played out:

This would have been the first time in NFL history a team received the kickoff to start the game and after halftime. After some deliberation, officials decided at halftime that Prescott did indicate well enough that he intended to defer the pick, so the Rams were forced to kick.

Still one of the weirdest moments of the weekend.

It’s just common decency, Oakland. Leave the lasers at home.

Oakland descended into anarchy at the close of the final home game. A loss to the Jaguars put the Raiders’ playoff chances on life support, and fans, already upset they’re losing their team to Las Vegas, had enough.

I’m sorry Oakland, but at least this was an on-brand ending to your final game in the Bay Area.