The answer to the Dallas Cowboys’ pass-rush problem plays for the Dallas Stars

If you’re like me (or most of North America), you watched the Dallas Cowboys lose to the Green Bay Packers in one heck of a football game on Sunday.

And you probably thought the same thing I did by halftime: “Boy, does the Dallas defensive line need some playmakers!”

Oh, sure, they chased Aaron Rodgers around a bit in the second half. Forget about that. Forget about that because I started writing this before any of that happened. Just don’t worry about it.

The truth is that the Cowboys’ pass rush has been pretty mediocre all season. From Blogging The Boys:

By Pro Football Focus standards, the Cowboys’ defensive line is awful. They haven’t given any player along the defensive line an above average grade. In fact, David Irving and Tyrone Crawford are the only guys with an average grade in the 70’s ... They had 19 total sacks at the beginning of December. That’s a paltry average of only 1.7 sacks per game over the first 11 games of the season.

The bad news? It’s too late to fix it. They’re done.

The good news? There’s a ready-made fix already living in the Metroplex. His name is Jamie Oleksiak, and he plays for the Dallas Stars.

Jamieson Oleksiak, First of His Name, is a defenseman for the Dallas Stars. They took him 14th overall in the 2011 NHL entry draft. He hasn’t reached that potential yet, and might not. At 24 years old, he’s still a serviceable defenseman. But a career change might be best.

(You know who went 14th overall in the 2011 NFL draft? Noted pass rusher Robert Quinn. The Avalanche took a defenseman at 11th overall in the 2011 NHL draft. They could’ve had Oleksiak. You know who went 11th overall in the 2011 NFL draft? J.J. Watt. I rest my case.)

His height.

We have to start with his height.

Oleksiak is 6’7. He’s the third-tallest player in the NHL and tied with others as the third-tallest player in NHL history. Why is that important, you ask?

Well, he can block kicks by standing on his tip-toes. But that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Here are the measurables of every Cowboys defensive lineman:

The only player nearly as tall as Oleksiak is David Irving.

David Irving. You know. The guy who led the team’s defensive line with five pass breakups. The guy who led all Cowboys defensive ends with 13 quarterback hurries. Which makes sense. If you see a 6’7 guy charging at you, wouldn’t you run away?

Which brings me to my second, brief, point.

Imagine if Aaron Rodgers had seen 6’7 Jamie Oleksiak running at him on Sunday. Imagine if he had seen this video.

There’s no way he’d try and extend the play with one of those soon-to-be-legendary passes to the sideline. He’d do what that Sabres player did and pray for the refs to blow a whistle.

Oleksiak’s been in five NHL fights. According to HockeyFights, he hasn’t lost one yet. He’d instantly be the most intimidating Cowboys lineman out there.

But intimidation only goes so far. You need to have skill. Luckily, Oleksiak has both!

Gonna stick with the David Irving comparison because they are both tall athletes and the best case for my flimsy incredibly strong premise for an article.

Irving’s pretty successful because of his height, wingspan, and ability to make blockers miss. Oleksiak is capable of all of these things!

Here’s a GIF of David Irving evading a blocker like he wasn’t there.

And here’s a video of Oleksiak evading a defender like he wasn’t there.

Here’s a GIF of David Irving using his enormous reach to disrupt a pass.

And here’s GIFs of Oleksiak using his reach and size to disrupt plays.

See? It’s in his DNA.

If the Stars are going to trade Oleksiak to the Cowboys, they’ll need something in return.

I suggest Doug Free.

Free is probably on his way out with the Cowboys. At 33, he’s in the twilight of his football career.

But 33 is still kind of young for an NHL goalie. And at 6’6, 323 pounds, good luck getting the puck past that guy.

Plus, this Oleksiak-for-Free, tall-human-for-tall-human trade won’t leave the Stars helpless if they get their warmup soccer ball stuck in the ceiling again.

Jamie Oleksiak, Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman. Doug Free, Dallas Stars goalie.

Who says no?

(Please forward this to Jerry Jones and/or Jim Nill immediately.)