Tremendous Eastern Conference roster predictions for the 2017 NHL All-Star Game

The NHL announced the captains of the 2017 NHL All-Star Game on Monday, meaning the full roster announcements are right around the corner.

We decided to pre-empt that news with our tremendous, luxurious All-Star ballots that don’t exist because that’s not a thing we can vote on.

We’ll start today with the Eastern Conference. Remember: the format is a 3-on-3 tournament between the four divisions. Each team can have six skaters, three defensemen, and two goalies. We tried our best to make sure every team was represented, so some big names were left off. We’re not happy about it, either.

Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs

Nikita Kucherov, Tampa Bay Lightning

David Pastrnak, Boston Bruins

Alexander Radulov, Montreal Canadiens

Jack Eichel, Buffalo Sabres

Henrik Zetterberg, Detroit Red Wings

Few NHL rookies have ever enjoyed the kind of season Matthews is having, with 20 goals and 34 points in his first 37 games. It seems like Matthews hits the highlight reel every night. The NHL will love to show off its new shiny toy.

The running joke about the Lightning this season is that they’re fielding their AHL affiliate. Nicks and bruises have set in, and the Lightning have had to make do without Steven Stamkos for much of the season again.

So in stepped Kucherov, who’s continuing to prove he might just be the Lightning’s most important player beside Stamkos. He put up 60-plus points in two of his first three seasons in the league. This year he’s on pace to eclipse that with 38 points in 32 games.

Pastrnak has emerged as an elite finisher. He’s fifth in the NHL with 19 goals and ninth in goals-created per-game. Eichel has been hurt, but since his return he’s played really well and emerged as a vocal leader for the struggling Sabres. Picking between Max Pacioretty or Radulov is difficult, but Radulov gets the nod for seeming more suited to a 3-on-3 format. We had to stick a Red Wings player in here so Zetterberg makes it.

Shea Weber, Montreal Canadiens

Erik Karlsson, Ottawa Senators

Victor Hedman, Florida Panthers

Weber and Karlsson are as close to locks as anyone. Weber has stabilized Montreal’s end while helping prop up their power play. Karlsson is racking up points as usual for the Senators.

And Hedman is a front-runner for the Norris Trophy this year. An easy crop to choose from.

Carey Price (C), Montreal Canadiens

Roberto Luongo, Florida Panthers

Price is already in as a captain. No sweat.

Tuukka Rask deserves a spot here. No question. But in the spirit of representation we’re forced to shoehorn in a Panther. Luongo’s season isn’t half-bad, though, with a 2.42 goals allowed average and a decent .920 save percentage.

Sidney Crosby (C), Penguins

John Tavares, Islanders

Cam Atkinson, Blue Jackets

Jeff Skinner, Hurricanes

Wayne Simmonds, Flyers

Alex Ovechkin, Capitals

This group is impossible. There are too many good forwards in the Metro this year. I had to rank them by tiers.

Crosby, Simmonds, Atkinson, and Ovechkin are Tier 1. They’re having incredible seasons. I can’t budge them.

As a duplicate Penguin, Evgeni Malkin gets nudged off the Tier 1 cliff and off the table. Sacrifices must be made.

Tier 2 includes guys who’re going through pretty good seasons: Skinner, Tavares, Taylor Hall. Someone had to get bumped out of that tier to finalize the group.

I kicked out Hall. I’ll explain why momentarily.

Defensemen

Zach Werenski, Blue Jackets

Damon Severson, Devils

Ryan McDonagh, Rangers

I can’t justify not giving Werenski an All-Star nod. So that takes up valuable space here. The Rangers need to be represented, and McDonagh is the best defenseman option available. He’s playing well enough to earn it, too.

So the final spot comes down to Justin Schultz or ... someone on the Devils. This is the conundrum you create with the Metro if you’re trying to represent every team. Either Tavares, Skinner, or Hall is getting snubbed, and you have to dig deep for a worthy defenseman from their teams to make up for it. Justin Faulk is scuffling a bit this year, but Damon Severson is seventh in the Metro with 19 points. Most of them come at even-strength, too. The Devils quietly have found their Adam Larsson replacement, and I’ll give him some love here.

Goalies

Sergei Bobrovsky, Columbus Blue Jackets

Braden Holtby, Washington Capitals

In any other year, Holtby would be considered the best goalie in the Metro. The Capitals goalie is following up his Vezina Trophy season with a 16-8-4 record, a .926 save percentage and a 2.06 goals allowed average.

Bobrovsky is better, as you might expect. The catalyst behind Columbus’ 16-game win streak is doing some nutty things right now: 75 percent of his starts are quality starts and the best goals allowed average (1.92) and save percentage (.934) in the Eastern Conference.