SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE 1: Lionel Messi MIRACULOUSLY recovers from DEATHLY FLU-LIKE VIRUS to lead underdog Barcelona to a Copa del Rey victory against heavily-favored Osasuna. Wait, this was last week's joke? Well, as Al Gore says, "recycle everything...even jokes. Quiet...a whale is in trouble."
La Liga 2012, Week 18 Preview And Fixtures: Barcelona Vs. Villarreal Headlines Otherwise
Cue up the “OMG THE LIGA IS OVER” stories if Real Madrid pulls away any more from Barça; and on the flip side, cue up the “OMG REAL MADRID ARE MELTING” stories if Barça pulls a couple back. Ladies and gents, your sporting press.
In all seriousness, Barcelona dropped points in the Catalan derby last week, which is something that I hinted might happen, then cowardly predicted a 1-5 win for the blaugrana. Stay tuned for another episode of “Gabe’s Cowardly La Liga Predictions!”
Saturday, January 14
18:00 CET (12:00 PM EST)
Let's begin with the best of the 18:00 CET Saturday games: an embattled Sevilla side, fresh off of getting eliminated from the Copa on away goals by Valencia hosts a "surging" (and trust me, I use that word a lot) Espanyol side that just drew their cross-city rivals FC Barcelona in the Catalan derby. This one looks like a classic letdown game for Espanyol, especially because Sevilla really did look good against Valencia.
Pick: 3-1 to Sevilla.
18:00 CET (12:00 PM EST)
Oof. Look, I’m all for Rayo. They’ve totally overachieved this year, and are my second (or third) favorite team. But man, some of their matches look baaaaad. But hey, they’re playing Granada...so, do yourself a favor and watch Sevilla.
Pick: 0-1 to Rayo.
18:00 CET (12:00 PM EST)
Oof-er. This game is even worse than above. Maybe. Let me know in the comments. Either way, you should be watching Sevilla. For comedy’s sake, let’s play an ex-Real Madrid player drinking game: take a shot when any ex-Madrid player touched the ball. The results might surprise you. (Note: don’t actually do this. You’ll get very ill.)
Pick: 1-1.
Mallorca vs. Real Madrid
20:00 CET (2:00 PM EST)
Look, Mallorca played a helluva Copa match last weekend. They scored four goals in a little over fifteen minutes, and magically qualified for the next round, despite a horribly unfavorable first leg. I’m totally on the Mallorca bandwagon. But they’re (probably) not doing that against a banged-up Real Madrid whose thoughts are definitely already on the next round of Clásicos...right? Right?
Pick: 0-1. This looks like a squeaker for Madrid to me.
Valencia vs. Real Sociedad
22:00 CET (4:00 PM EST)
Valencia just eliminated a strong Sevilla side from the Copa del Rey, and will be looking to build on some of their recent performances. Plus, Roberto Soldado is still the best non-Real Madrid or Barcelona striker in Spain at the moment.
Pick: 2-0 to Valencia.
Sunday, January 8
Atlético Madrid vs. Villarreal
12:00 CET (6:00 AM EST)
Hey look! It’s the underachievers derby! Atleti’s new head coach Diego Simeone is looking to implement a more offensive system than his predecessor, and the results could be absolutely spectacular--or, they might continue to defy expectations, and not do anything different than normal. And hey, Villarreal looked pretty good against Valencia last weekend too.
Pick: 0-0 to draw. Expect the unexpected.
Osasuna vs. Racing Santander
16:00 CET (10:00 AM EST)
Osasuna managed to put up a semi-decent fight against Barcelona B over the Copa matchday...and they might be looking to make an even less impressive statement by defeating a clearly-worse-than-Barça-B-side.
Pick: 0-0.
18:00 CET (12:00 PM EST)
Hey! Don’t look now but Levante is still kinda near the top of the table. Seriously, did ANYONE guess that?
Pick: 2-1 to Marcelo Bielsa.
Sporting Gijón vs. Malaga
19:45 CET (1:45 PM EST)
Were it not for a really stupid Wily Caballero gaffe--seriously? Ball through the legs?--Málaga might have given Real Madrid a run for their money in Copa. In fact, I hear that they're looking to poach Esteban Granero from los blancos on loan for the season. Now that would be a coup.
Pick: 0-2 to Málaga.
FC Barcelona vs. Real Betis
21:30 CET (3:30 PM EST)
OMG FONTAS IS DOWN FOR THE YEAR HOW WILL BARÇA SURVIVE?!?! Seriously, though, cue up all the “OMG IS THE LIGA OVER” stories if Madrid pulls away any more. Barça are on a short rope, and really need to keep pace to retain their title.
Pick: 5-0 to Barcelona.
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