England Fifth Best Team In The World, Says Soccer’s Foremost Comedian

It is time for the monthly segment titled, "The FIFA Rankings Say Whaaaaaaaa?!?" This month, we lead with England, who are ranked fifth and have been since November. Sweet moves, Three Lions! The only European teams ahead of them are Spain, Germany and Netherlands, so we should just go ahead and book England's spot in the semifinals of this summer's Euro, right? Done laughing? Let's continue.

In the section labeled "Cool" we have Zambia, who are into the top 50 after winning the Africa Cup of Nations, but the Ivory Coast are still the top Africa side at number 15. In the "Not Cool" section is South Sudan, who can't even get a token spot in the rankings at the bottom because they haven't played a match yet, even though they became a FIFA member last week.

From the "This Actually Makes Sense" file, Spain are first and Germany have finally (rightfully) jumped Netherlands for second place. Uruguay are the top South American side, checking in at fourth, which makes sense considering they won Copa America over the summer. Brazil is seventh and Argentina is down at 11th, but after their Copa America embarrassment, they don't get to complain.

It's a sad day in CONCACF, where Mexico continues to dominate, but are only ranked 21st, while the United States is still outside the top 30 and no one else is anywhere in the top 45. CONCACAF doesn't really have a beef like Asia, though, who are still snubbed with Japan down at number 30.