As you may have heard, FIFA released a 40-page summary of a 400-plus page report into the bidding for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups on Thursday. While nothing actually in the summary report could hope to compare with the wonderful news that the author of the longer, complete report is furious with the summary, there are still nevertheless some wonderful insights into the strange world of FIFA, its business, and the mucky processes by which the World Cup gets where it gets.
Our favorite parts of FIFA’s Garcia Report summary
Most of it’s unreadable. All of it’s suspicious. Some of it’s brilliant.
Buda Mendes/Getty Images
FIFA’s first Code of Ethics took effect October 6, 2004
FIFA was founded in May 1904. Aristotle wrote the Nichomachean Ethics in 350 BC.
The President and female member are elected by the FIFA Congress ... All other Executive Committee positions, including the eight vice presidents, are determined by the Confederations.
On the one hand, you can see what they mean: the Executive Committee recently came charging into the early twentieth century by mandating that there be a specific seat for a woman on the committee. On the other, it does rather sound like they have absolutely no expectation that there could ever be more than one “female member”. And it does make her sound a little like the President’s plus one.
Once the copies [of the “bid books”] were filed with FIFA, they were made available to each Executive Committee member. It appears that, despite the “core” relationship to the bid’s merits, few reviewed the book.
These bid books are described variously as “the centrepiece” and “the core element” of every World Cup bid, and details “every facet” of the bidder’s “hosting concept”. Apparently nobody reads them, nor the attached annexes, which detail all the complex legal ins and outs of the event. But apparently some members did “take the opportunity to pass the books related to other bids on to the bid team from their respective home countries.”
With respect to overall operational risk, all bid venues were ranked "low risk" except for Qatar ("high risk") and Russia ("medium risk"). In the individual subcategories, the only high risk grades went to Qatar for "team facilities" and Russia for "transport: airports and international connections".
The Aristocrats!
It must also be noted, however, that the Investigatory Chamber of the FIFA Ethics Committee has no subpoena powers.
Read: if anybody does get in trouble as a result of this investigation, they’re an idiot.
Eleven officials who served on the FIFA Executive Committee during the bidding process no longer hold seats on that committee, although several are still considered football officials ... Of those eleven, five agreed to be interviewed or to provide written answers to questions.
And what of the other six?
Three either declined or did not respond to the request.
Er ...
The Investigatory Chamber was unable to confirm any contact with two individuals.
“Unable to confirm any contact” ... ?
Finally, one official cooperated ... only after Ethics proceedings had been initiated against him for refusing to cooperate.
Oh. Oh dear.
At all times during the investigation process, the relevant individual was responsive to investigators’ request for information and documentation. It also offered investigators direct access to its computer to obtain emails dating from its time on the bid team.
It. It. A whistleblower, is “it”. Presumably this was some kind of whistleblowing robot.
The Investigatory Chamber of the FIFA Ethics Committee did not identify any issues with regard to the Belgium/Holland bid.
This is amusing mostly because Belgium and Holland, despite apparently neglecting to get up to anything shady at all, still managed to poll two more votes than England.
Special balls
Gifts given by Japan to "senior FIFA officials, members of the FIFA Executive Committee, and some of their wives". No, we have no idea.
According to the Report, while Mr Mohammed Bin Hammam -- a former AFC President and FIFA Executive Committee member -- actively supported the Qatar 2022 bid as the [vote] neared, the relationship between him and the bid team appears to have been somewhat distant relative to the relationships of other FIFA Executive Committee members from bid nations.
Here’s Sheikh Mohammed bin Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani speaking in November 2010, a month before the bid: “Outside the executive committee and within the bid itself Mohamed Bin Hammam has been a very good mentor to us. He’s been very helpful in advising us how to go about with our messaging and can have the biggest impact. He’s always been advising us and always been by our side. He’s definitely our biggest asset in the bid.”
[Russia 2018] made only a limited amount of documents available for review, which was explained by the fact that the computers used at the time by the Russia Bid Committee had been leased and then returned to their owner after the Bidding Process. The owner has confirmed that the computers were destroyed in the meantime.
“We borrowed a dog from somebody else. That dog ate our homework. It was then put to sleep. We’re all very sad about the dog.”
The Bid Committee also attempted to obtain access to the Gmail accounts used during the Bidding Process from Google USA. However, the Russia Bid Committee confirmed in a letter dated 1 August 2014 that Google USA had not responded.
Don’t. Be. Evil.
According to the report, one of the then FIFA Executive Committee members alluded to the fact that the United States might have attempted to influence member associations within the Asian Football Confederation (AFC) by spreading incorrect rumours relating to China's potential bid to host the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
“Psst! Guys! Guys! China wants to introduce a 12th man and abolish extra time! And they smell! Pass it on!”
Mr Blatter has implemented a number of critical reforms, including those that made this inquiry possible.
!!!
The Investigatory Chamber of the FIFA Ethics Committee is under the obligation to collect real facts, i.e. proof ... Such proof must be substantive, with (official) documents, money and paper trails, email and other correspondence and witness statements still being the most sound kinds of proof.
The FIFA Ethics Committee, unlike public law enforcement authorities or prosecutors, does not dispose of any coercive means in the context of its activities. It is therefore dependent on the cooperation of the individuals subject to its jurisdiction.
Redux: if anybody does get in trouble as a result of this investigation, they’re an idiot.
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