Zlatan, Neymar, mustaches and everything else we’re thankful for in soccer

Happy Thanksgiving!

For those of you not in the United States, today is the day we celebrate a food-centric holiday, created by modifying history. It may seem self-indulgent -- we stuff ourselves with incredible amounts of food, probably get drunk and tweet the hilarious things our drunk family members say -- but it’s all based around the concept of being thankful. We’re thankful for the amazing things in our lives, and we want to share that with our friends, our family and the entire world (levels of sharing are often inversely proportional to the levels in the wine, beer, or liquor bottles).

But before we stutter into a food-induced coma, we want to share with you all the wonders of soccer for which we’re thankful for.

Ryan Rosenblatt

- Zlatan
- Lord Zlatan
- That Lord Zlatan is so merciful
- Colombia dancing
- Forever having proof that I was there for John Brooks’ goal against Ghana
- Learning that the best cure to a hand burnt from lighting off drunk fireworks is another beer
- Double hot dogs
- Never having to eat another double hot dog
- Robbie Rogers is finally a left back
- Nothing about Tottenham Hotspur
- Luka Modric’s hair is growing back
- Lee Nguyen and everything about the Revolution (unless they play the Galaxy)
- Riquelme (forever)
- Every day that Diego Simeone does not murder me
- Puppy pitch invaders
- Puppies

Zito Madu

- The birth of Mesut Ozil
- Alexis Sanchez’s smile
- Stephan El Shaarawy’s handsome face
- David Alaba and Mario Gotze being my cousin and twin respectively
- Lionel Messi scoring hattricks whenever he pleases to remind the world that we are not worthy
- Neymar’s beard
- James Rodriguez looking like a child
- Isco being a dreamboat
- Marseille being relevant again
- Javier Pastore being the perfect human being

Andi Thomas (yes, we let a Brit participate)

- Sean Dyche’s voice; or, rather, the voice of the four hundred and seven-year-old man who does Sean Dyche’s interviews for him;
- Liverpool’s defence;
- Arsenal’s defence;
- Manchester City’s defence and Manchester United’s defence, come to think of it. State of the Premier League;
- the fact that Álvaro Recoba is still playing and still scoring stupidly magnificent free-kicks;
- Rafael da Silva;
- Gavin Rose and the mighty Dulwich Hamlet;
- all own goals bright and beautiful, all cock-ups great and small;
- the Amazonian river manatee;
- expanded European Championship qualifying;
- (related) Gareth Bale;
- the approaching end of Roberto Soldado’s Tottenham career -- the sooner he’s gone, the sooner I can try to forget predicting that he’d be top scorer last season.

Matt Ufford

I’m thankful for Tim Howard, Clint Dempsey, Jermaine Jones, Julian Green, and the most dramatic 390 minutes of soccer one team could create in a single World Cup.

And I’m thankful for Landon Donovan, even if Jurgen Klinsmann wasn’t.

- Zlatan becoming self-aware
- Alessandro Cerci’s athletic struggles
- My mute button whenever I see Eric Wynalda on TV
- Lauren Holiday
- Seriously Lauren Holiday tho
- Anything that makes Pep Guardiola sad
- Children who try to emulate Manuel Neuer

I’m thankful for Manuel Neuer for making goalkeeping entertaining. Usually his team is so dominant in possession that he isn’t called into action all that often, but when he does, it’s always entertaining. He has redefined the goalkeeper position, demonstrated when he spared Germany of an embarrassing Round of 16 exit vs Algeria with 21 touches outside of the penalty area. And when it goes badly, it’s hilarious:

Kirsten Schlewitz

A list, in no particular order

Jeremiah Oshan

- Having four teams I’d actually like to see in a MLS Cup final
- Fredy Montero clownin’ fools
- Omar Gonzalez’s willingness to provide material
- Brad Evans’ mustache
- No, wait, Marcus Hahnemann’s mustache
- No, no, no, ALEXI LALAS’ MUSTACHE

Zach Woosley

- MLS referees being terrible and giving me ample reason to change the channel more often
- Diego Costa
- Arsene Wenger’s puffy jackets
- FOX getting the World Cup broadcast rights ... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Yeah right.
- Jurgen Klopp.
- Roberto Martinez leading Everton and the new EPL TV deal giving him money to build a proper roster