Backheel Breakfast: Apparently Chelsea vs. PSG ruined soccer

Chelsea are out of the Champions League. Isn’t that a strange thing to think about, just under 24 hours later? The quarterfinals will not include the best team in England, managed by Jose Mourinho, perhaps the best knockout competition manager of all time. A team that was good enough to make the semifinals last year, then improved significantly by buying Cesc Fabregas and Diego Costa, as well as bringing Thibaut Courtois into the first team and getting Nemanja Matic un-cup tied, lost in the first knockout round.

Either this or Paris Saint-Germain’s triumph should probably be the big story here, but the world is talking about neither. Instead, they’re talking about how Wednesday’s game was one of the most cynical in football history. Ian Darke called it an affront to the sport. “This festival of fouls and demonstration of the dark arts symbolized a culture of deceit which, if not checked, poses a serious threat to the game’s future,” wrote Darke.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who was sent off in the game, seemed to agree.

This game will probably be remembered for something in 10 years, but what will it be? For Thiago Silva’s winner? Or for being one of the nastiest games of all time? Don’t even act like you know who scored the winner in The Battle of Nuremberg.

Bhutan is the lowest-ranked team in FIFA, but they won their first ever World Cup qualifier. (FIFA.com)

Enner Valencia is out this weekend because he cut his foot on a broken cup. (BBC)

”I was convinced that Pirlo could play until he’s 40, but given the current level of Italian football he can play until he’s 50 or 53.” - Mauro Camoranesi. (Football Italia)

Franck Ribery and Arjen Robben both got injured on Wednesday and will not play this weekend. (ESPN FC)

Here’s the MLS injury report for the weekend. (MLS)

Hey, Gareth Bale’s in pretty junky form. (AS)

Real Madrid might promote B-team coach Zinedine Zidane if Carlo Ancelotti is let go at the end of the season. (Telegraph)

Mark Murphy on Chris Graham, Rangers’ non-executive director. (Two-Hundred Percent)

Jonathan Wilson on Louis van Gaal’s lack of a philosophy. (Guardian)

Daniel Altman on a potential Qatar World Cup alternative. (Foreign Policy)

The section in which nothing should be taken seriously.

Nemanja Vidic’s agent is subtly begging Manchester United to take him back. (Daily Star)

Dani Alves appears to have agreed to sign for PSG. (Marca)

Real Madrid are totally ditching Sami Khedira, so ‘sup Arsenal? (Metro)

As you read above, PSG knocked Chelsea out of Champions League in dramatic fashion. (SB Nation)

Bayern Munich had no problem steamrolling Shakhtar. (SB Nation)

The USWNT won the Algarve Cup. (Stars and Stripes FC)

There is way too much Europa League to list! Here’s the best from each time slot.

Zenit vs. Torino (1 p.m.) -- In which Tottenham fans watch on in horror as Andre Villas-Boas team marches towards a trophy.

Wolfsburg vs. Inter Milan (2 p.m.) -- Because winning this competition is Inter’s only route into Europe, they might be extra motivated and pull off a big upset here.

Villarreal vs. Sevilla (4 p.m.) -- There’s a lot of good stuff to choose from in the late time slot, but second-tier Spanish teams take this competition really seriously, so this game gets the nod.

And some Copa Libertadores.

Libertad vs. Estudiantes (6:45 p.m.) -- These teams are tied on four points, and regardless of the result, will like their chances to go through.

Juan Aurich vs. River Plate (9:15 p.m.) -- Surprisingly, River have just one point from two games. They need a win.