Backheel Breakfast: When Abu Dhabi calls, demand a helicopter and private beach

Roma thought they’d offloaded Gervinho for €13 million, but they found out last week that he won’t be departing for Abu Dhabi after all. Al Jazira failed to come to an agreement with the Ivorian winger, thanks to his absolutely ludicrous demands. His salary wasn’t the concern, but rather the benefits he wanted -- a private helicopter, a private beach and lots of plane tickets for his family.

We admire Gervinho’s hustle. How can you get what you want if you never ask for it? The worst-case scenario is he gets paid a lot of money to sit on Roma’s bench.

And while we’re here, watch this fantastic Vine of Gervinho summoning the CAF logo.

Petr Cech has signed for Arsenal. (Arsenal FC)

Inter look set to sign Miranda after he completed a medical. (@Inter)

Chile’s players continue to compete for the Fallon d’Floor award. This dive got Peru’s Carlos Zambrano sent off. (r/soccer)

Facing only 10 men, Chile had more room to score this outrageous goal.

Phil Jones will stay with Manchester United for four more years. (Manchester United)

If Paraguay beat Argentina, their coach is buying them pickup trucks. (Guardian)

Stuttgart are pretending to be a well-run club again! (Bundesliga)

DeAndre Yedlin’s former youth club went to FIFA over MLS not paying them solidarity fees. (SI)

Netherlands boss Guus Hiddink is out after less than a year on the job.

Bobby Gardiner asks why Everton went backwards last season. (Stats Bomb)

Luca Hodges-Ramon on one of Italy’s best forgotten rivalries. (Beyond the Field of Play)

Caitlin Murray on Carli Lloyd getting freed up to attack in the USWNT’s last game. (Guardian)

The section in which nothing should be taken seriously. It’s rumor season, so this section will be expanded, and as the summer rolls on, it will probably be bigger than the actual news section.

Sergio Ramos wants to leave Real Madrid for Manchester United. (Guardian)

And Madrid might buy Leonardo Bonucci to replace him. (Tuttosport)

Stoke have rejected a bid from Chelsea for Asmir Begovic. (ESPN FC)

Joan Laporta thinks his relationship with Pogba’s agent will deliver him to Barca. (AS)

Manchester City are after Monaco’s Fabinho. (Mail)

And they could get some money for that by offloading Edin Dzeko to Roma. (Mirror)

Arsene Wenger isn’t after Arturo Vidal because he wants William Carvalho instead. (Standard)

Chile beat Peru, and they’re playing ugly to win Copa America. (Guardian)

Euro U-21: Portugal vs. Sweden (2:45 p.m.) - Bet you didn’t call this final.

WWC: USA vs. Germany (7 p.m.) - No. 1 vs. No. 2. Watch it.

Copa America: Argentina vs. Paraguay (7:30 p.m.) - How will Argentina blame their lack of success in this match on Lionel Messi?