Lionel Messi says his goals to tie Cristiano Ronaldo’s record were lucky

Lionel Messi is the greatest footballer in the history of planet Earth, and he scored two wonderful free kicks in Barcelona’s 5-4 UEFA Super Cup win over Sevilla on Tuesday. But despite the fact that he’s an alien put on Earth to embarrass humans at the game they invented and love more than any other, he refuses to acknowledge how good he is. “I’ve just been lucky enough to score those,” said Messi, who really needs to stop being so humble.

By the way, those goals mean he’s equal with Cristiano Ronaldo for goals in all European competitions now. Messi’s played 19 fewer games.

Here’s ADO Den Haag’s goalkeeper scoring a 95th minute backheel equalizer. (r/soccer)

Xherdan Shaqiri has officially signed with Stoke. (Stoke City)

Chelsea doctor Eva Carneiro will not work on the sidelines on gameday after responding to Jose Mourinho’s comments publicly. (BBC)

Pedro has denied demanding to leave Barcelona. (Guardian)

Federico Balzaretti has retired, but will work in Roma’s backroom staff with a view to becoming a sporting director eventually. (Football Italia)

Mike Goodman on Manchester United, who have been more lucky than good for a long time. (Grantland)

Tom Brogan on the time Celtic tried to sign Alfredo di Stefano. (In Bed With Maradona)

Dustin Ward with a Bundesliga season preview. (Stats Bomb)

The section in which nothing should be taken seriously.

LAFC is obsessed with signing Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney. (Mirror)

Fernando Llorente might return to Athletic Bilbao. (Football Italia)

Barca might loan Alen Halilovic to Hamburg. (AS)

Arsenal might shell out some big money for Grzegorz Krychowiak. (Telegraph)

Sunderland would like to sign Adnan Januzaj from Manchester United. (Sunderland Echo)

Schalke say it’ll take a massive offer to sell Julian Draxler. (Star)

Adama Traore looks close to switching from Barca B to Aston Villa. (Mail)

Here’s what our Barca blog learned from their win over Sevilla. (Barca Blaugranes)

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