You will be able to bring cocaine, heroin, and marijuana into 2018 World Cup games with proper paperwork

Attendees at this summer’s World Cup in Russia will be allowed to carry drugs such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin into stadiums, providing they have a prescription.

Via Newsweek:

The Moscow-based Eurasian Economic Union (EAEU), a joint economic trade bloc of countries including Belarus, Kazakhstan, and Russia, allows for certain banned narcotic and psychotropic drugs to be brought into the country with supporting medical documentation. The Russian-led union of nations gives foreign travelers the right to carry drugs including cannabis and cocaine with the proper prescription papers.

HELLO THERE, MR. SECURITY MAN. YES. YOU’RE SPEAKING TO ME IN RUSSIAN. I DON’T SPEAK RUSSIAN. HOLD ON, LEMME GET OUT MY, MY UH — WHAT’S IT CALLED? I GOT AN APP. WAIT, YEAH. THIS APP. PHONES ARE CRAZY, MAN. DUOLINGO. THAT’S THE APP. CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW WE LIVE NOW? WE CAN JUST REACH INTO OUR POCKET AND THE WORLD IS AT OUR FINGERTIPS. TWENTY FIRST CENTURY, MY MAN.

YEAH, NO, MY DUDE, I LOVE THE WAY YOU’RE TALKING BUT YOU GOTTA SLOW DOWN FOR ME. THIS APP IS LOADING PRETTY SLOW.

WAIT! WAIT! I JUST MADE A FRIEND. THIS IS MY DUDE, DMITRY. DMITRY! YES! WHAT’S GOING ON, DMITRY? THIS IS MY RUSSIAN BROTHER. FUCKING LOVE YOU, DMITRY. I FEEL LIKE, I FEEL LIKE YOU AND ME JUST CONNECT, DMITRY. YOU GET IT, DMITRY.

OH. RIGHT. SORRY. DMITRY, MY DUDE, THIS IS YOUR TIME. I NEED YOU. OUR BROTHERHOOD IS BEING TESTED IN THIS VERY MOMENT. LIFE IS ABOUT MOMENTS, DMITRY, AND THIS IS ONE OF YOURS. I NEED YOU TO RISE TO THE OCCASION. YES. I LOVE YOU, TOO. IT’S TRANSLATION TIME, DMITRY. TRANSLATE FOR ME, BABY.

UH HUH. UH HUH.

THE COCAINE? SHIT DMITRY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.

HE SAW ME, HUH? HMMM.

OH SHIT, DMITRY. WAIT. WAIT. I GOT THE PAPERWORK. I HAVE PAPERWORK FOR THIS.

[Hands security guard a Post-It note with “COCAINE” written on it and a signature from Dr. Lorimer Tangiers.]

DMITRY, TELL HIM THAT’S WHAT PRESCRIPTIONS LOOK LIKE IN THE UNITED STATES. YELLOW IS HOW YOU KNOW IT’S REAL.

AND TELL HIM MY DOCTOR, DOCTOR LORIMER TANGIERS, IS A RESPECTED DOCTOR IN THE UNITED STATES. ONE OF THE VERY BEST DOCTORS. OF ALL THE COCAINE DOCTORS, HE IS A LEADER IN THE FIELD.

WE’RE GOOD? WE’RE GOOD! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! GIVE HIM A HUG! YOU GET A HUG TOO, DMITRY. WE’RE ALL HUGGING. OK. OK!

HOLY SHIT, DMITRY THERE’S A SOCCER GAME GOING ON DOWN THERE. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKERS. THEY’RE KICKING THE BALL. HOLY HELL. WHAT A SPORT.