By now, you’ve heard of Sergej Milinković-Savić. The 20-year-old Lazio midfielder is perhaps the hottest property in European football: He’s big, he’s strong, he can pass, he can dribble ... and at some point this summer, or maybe the next, he’s going to cost somebody an absolute fortune.
Tracking Sergej Milinković-Savić’s growing transfer fee in every minute of Serbia - Costa Rica
The World Cup is about inflating one’s value. Let’s figure this out.
Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images
5’ — Wins a tackle by the touchline, then wins a throw-in.
Estimated transfer value (ETV): Let’s start at $60m, shall we?
7’ — Slides past a tackle in the middle, before slightly overrunning the ball. Isn’t he tall, though? Really, really tall.
ETV: $65m
9’ — Wins the ball in the middle. You know who likes tall midfielders? José Mourinho likes tall midfielders. You know who have loads of money? Manchester United have loads of money.
ETV: $70m
14’ — Pulls off a smooth roulette just outside Costa Rica’s box, then nudges the ball to a teammate. Minutes later, he sets up an attack with a tackle. Looks pretty good in Serbia’s white shirt ... hey, Real Madrid wear white.
ETV: $80m, and the No. 10 shirt
26’ — Trundles onto a high ball behind the defence, but his touch is a little awkward and he can’t get the ball out of his feet. But! He was offside. And there’s nothing more valuable than a footballer who knows to use up their rubbish moments when they wouldn’t matter anyway.
ETV: $99m, and a statue to be unveiled alongside the signing
29’ — Gestures insistently to his defence, pointing to all the space he’s in and ordering them to find him. A leader and a tactician. Then he dribbles past two in the box, but can’t beat a third and has to lay off to Tadić.
ETV: All that above, plus a mid-range Bond car, with underwater capacity and at least two different types of surface-to-surface missiles.
34’ — Handball in midfield, not seen by the officials. Referees can’t control him; VAR is helpless before him.
ETV: Everything mentioned so far, plus a soft-boiled Fabergé egg.
42’ — Twists and flips his body around to get an overhead kick on target, but the shot is too close to Keylor Navas. Given offside. Wasn’t. There are those that will tell you he should have done something sensible, like “controlling the ball” before “taking a shot while not upside down”. But SMS knows to ignore these people, and so should you.
ETV: Toss is another exclusive Wu-Tang album. Like the one Martin Shkreli has, but better and with more Raekwon.
47’ — Invents a new kind of foul, in which the presence of the tackling player causes the player in possession to kick himself in the back of the foot. Such relentless innovation.
ETV: A breeding pair of northern white rhinos.
50’ — Dinks the ball over Costa Rica’s defence, a pass so inviting it should have RSVP printed all over it. Mitrović, however, is washing his hair that evening, and pokes the shot into Keylor Navas.
ETV: A planet.
58’ — Goal Serbia! Did SMS suggest that Kolarov try and hammer the free-kick into the corner of the goal? We can’t rule it out. An assist in spirit.
ETV: No, two planets. Proper ones. None of your Mercurys; we’re talking seething gas giants. Proper massive hellholes.
65’ — Misjudges a header, and goes for power instead of placement.
ETV: We will accept any two planets.
70’ — Big defensive header!
ETV: ... but will also be requiring the Moon! Not a moon. The Moon.
75’ — Attempts a turn on the edge of his own box. Gives the ball away. Costa Rica almost squeeze themselves a chance, but can’t quite join it all up.
ETV: We will accept a moon of your choosing.
86’ — Spins past one, then slips past another in midfield. Advances onto the box, then prods a perfectly weighted, outside of the boot pass into the path of Mitrović. Should have been Serbia’s second.
ETV: The seventh infinity stone. And not a penny less.
See More:
