WWE Survivor Series 2016: The full rundown and why you should care

In theory, Survivor Series is one of WWE’s “Big Four” events. Like with the Royal Rumble, SummerSlam, and of course, WrestleMania, Survivor Series is one of the original WWE events that has carried on into today as an annual occurrence. The stakes and stories that make those other pay-per-views such a big deal tend to skip Survivor Series, though, so it turned into a pretty normal event over time.

However, with the brand split separating RAW and SmackDown wrestlers and keeping them from facing each other, creating a space for the two distinct entities to meet up and vie for supremacy might have given Survivor Series the hook it needs to matter once more.

That’s what Survivor Series 2016 is: It’s RAW vs. SmackDown, with the future of each show able to be changed based on what goes down. In some cases, it could be as small as the next story for certain wrestlers on their respective brands. In others, though, titles could change shows, or an entire division and all its wrestlers might change addresses. Also, the Undertaker could be upset, and no one wants to be the one who caused it to happen.

Survivor Series kicks off at 7 p.m. ET, with the preshow beginning an hour before that. There are no announced kickoff matches at this time, so we’ll be skipping the appetizers and diving right into the main course(s).

What am I looking at here? So: Brian Kendrick is the cruiserweight champion, which is a title exclusive to RAW. RAW has done a pretty poor job of making anyone care about the cruiserweight division, as it treats it like any other wrestler and stuff matches full of headlocks instead of flips and speed and the kinds of things that made people love the Cruiserweight Classic on the WWE Network.

It’s important to note that it’s the presentation of the cruiserweights that has been bad, not the cruiserweights themselves. That’s because, should Brian Kendrick — the one who looks like a sarcastic pirate — lose to Kalisto — the one in the mask — things change. Kalisto would be champion, yes, but also, SmackDown would have won the cruiserweight division from RAW. Like, all of it: the belt, the wrestlers, the purple ropes.

Why you should care: There is so much talent in the cruiserweight division, and RAW doesn’t know how to use it. Did you know that RAW and SmackDown don’t just have different wrestlers, they have different writers, too? You should care because Kalisto can free these poor cruiserweights from their current horrible fate, and put them on a show where opportunities and sensible decisions abound.

Also, both of these dudes are dope in the ring, and watching Kalisto wrestle a cruiserweight-style match (and then maybe stay in that lane for a while as champ) is going to be his route to becoming a real star in WWE.

What am I looking at here? The Miz just won his championship back from Dolph Ziggler by getting an unfair assist from his wife in their match — Ziggler had Miz rolled up, and she just gave them a little push from outside the ring so that suddenly it was Ziggler’s shoulders on the ground in a pin. Now he’ll be the one defending it against RAW and Sami Zayn, which means that if Miz loses SmackDown’s secondary men’s title to the rival brand, everyone he works with is going to hate him.

Well, more than they already do.

Zayn hasn’t won a title since he was NXT Champion, and he’s missed out on previous opportunities to win the IC belt. This could be a huge moment for both Zayn and RAW and a necessary one if they already happened to have lost the Cruiserweight Championship slash division to the blue brand earlier in the evening.

Why you should care: The Miz cheating to get his title back from Ziggler, only to lose it to RAW before Ziggler can even have his rematch ... well, that would be perfection. SmackDown’s general manager, Daniel Bryan, already has a career-long feud with The Miz that has only reignited since Bryan became his boss, and this would only add to that. There is real opportunity for “What Comes Next” here, should Miz lose.

Plus, if Zayn wins, it’s not like he’s just champion and that’s that. There would be no re-match with Miz, so Zayn would be thrust into a brand new feud. It’s probably worth noting here that Zayn recently challenged Braun Strowman when Strowman demanded real competition, and Braun brushed him aside as a nobody who wasn’t worth his time. If Zayn had a belt, though, then suddenly, he might be somebody enough for the 6’8, 385 pound Strowman to smash.

What am I looking at here? A whole lot of beef.

The five tag teams for RAW are on the left side of the photo, with three on the top left and two more below: the Shining Stars, Sheamus and Cesaro, Anderson and Gallows, Big Cass and Enzo, and the show’s tag team champs, The New Day. The five SmackDown teams are on the right: the fashion police of Fandango and Tyler Breeze, American Alpha, The Usos, the blue brand’s tag champs Rhyno and Heath Slater, and the Hype Bros.

There is no story here; there is no real background. That’s not necessarily a negative! It’s just the five best tag teams from each brand going at it, and when one partner is eliminated, the whole team is gone.

Why you should care: The real intrigue might be in what feuds spin out of this, as teammates fail to work together or miscommunication results in elimination. This is the only match on the card without real stakes or story, though, so it’s OK if you’re not currently on the edge of your seat.

What am I looking at here? It’s the RAW women’s division vs. the (healthy) SmackDown women’s division, with no real stakes other than the bragging rights that come with being the best. Sometimes, that’s OK, and this is one of those scenarios.

Team RAW is represented by its women’s champion, Charlotte, as well as Sasha Banks, Bayley, Nia Jax, Alicia Fox, and their ringside coach/motivational speaker/personal lackey of Charlotte, Dana Brooke. SmackDown is captained by Nikki Bella, featuring its women’s champ, Becky Lynch, newcomers Alexa Bliss and Carmella, and Naomi. Veteran WWE wrestler Natalya was named the coach, mostly so Bryan no longer had to listen to her beg for something to do with the team. She has a whistle and can distract RAW’s team by asking if they’re following her cat’s Instagram account.

Why you should care: A of all, this is the most women’s talent WWE has ever had in the ring at the same time. B of all, this is the first Survivor Series event during a time where WWE actually seems to care about crafting a women’s division and legacy,. And 10 years from now, we might look back on who was in this match and have a hard time believing all of these wrestlers were in one place at one time. The past, present, and future of women’s wrestling in WWE are participating here.

There is no major story to cling to here other than the aforementioned bragging rights, but this match is not devoid of story: Carmella and Nikki Bella have been feuding for months, and now they have to work together to topple RAW. After this wraps up, Charlotte and Sasha have to be bitter rivals battling over the championship again. Brooke will be here, and you can’t trust her one bit given she works for Charlotte — if the second Bayley or Sasha are eliminated, don’t count out Brooke jumping them to soften them up for her boss for later.

How is anyone on Team SmackDown going to stop Jax? No one on RAW has figured it out yet. How will Pixie Hoss Alexa Bliss handle working alongside Becky Lynch, knowing she has a chance coming up to capture Lynch’s title? See? No shortage of micro stories, even if the macro one is simple and low stakes.

Historically, Survivor Series’ women’s matches were five-minute affairs with rapid-fire eliminations devoid of backstory, with nothing new spinning out of them. This is the moment where all of that can change, and it’s something to look forward to.

What am I looking at here? The best men of RAW vs. the best men of SmackDown, as the McMahon children use their employees as chess pieces in wrestling’s premier sibling rivalry. At least on the SmackDown side, Shane McMahon made himself a plaything when he was inserted into the match to replace the injured Baron Corbin. Stephanie McMahon already had a piece of her authority in the match, as handpicked champion Kevin Owens is repping RAW.

RAW has universal champion Owens, his best friend Chris Jericho, current rivals and former Shield brothers turned enemies turned friends(?) Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins, and also all 385 pounds of Strowman on its team. SmackDown has WWE World Champion AJ Styles, the other former Shield member and current blood rival of Styles, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt and his shiny new viper-shaped toy, Randy Orton, and SmackDown commissioner/guy who jumps from tall objects, Shane O’Mac.

SmackDown also has jobber-turned-sensation James Ellsworth as its mascot — not coach, not captain, but mascot. He is the one sans chin. This is his T-shirt.

Why you should care: This is the only one of the traditional Survivor Series-style matches with stakes, vague as they are. On the RAW side, the stakes are the wrong kind of vague: Stephanie McMahon has hinted that the job security of her team is on the line, but that makes no sense. You’re in a war for supremacy with SmackDown, Steph, and you claim to have built a team with your five best wrestlers. If you fire them all, they’ll just go to SmackDown and make your life worse.

On the SmackDown side, the vagueness is more like the mysterious, as Undertaker showed up on the 900th episode to state that he’s back — like, really back, not preparing-us-for-his-WrestleMania-appearance back — and also that whoever loses this match for SmackDown is going on his naughty list. So you’ve got an opportunity here to find out who Undertaker’s first opponent will be, and the fact Undertaker is back at all gives SmackDown’s roster a boost. Neat.

Also, these rosters really are the best-of-the-best for the two shows and also Shane McMahon, and they’re all going to be trying to kill each other for our amusement and/or their jobs slash avoidance of Taker’s wrath.

What am I looking at here? There is no title. There are no RAW or SmackDown bragging rights. This is the retired Goldberg coming out of retirement, Rocky Balboa-style, to see if he’s still got it after seeing himself fight Brock Lesnar in a video game. This is Lesnar quietly wanting to get his win back from over a decade ago from the last time these two met, and not so quietly wanting to rip Goldberg’s head off and eat it whole in front of Bill’s wife and son, both of whom will be in attendance.

Why you should care: The first match between these two is a historic disaster, but for reasons that won’t necessarily come into play here. Both Lesnar and Goldberg were leaving the WWE following that match, and the crowd hated them and everything they were doing. A lot has changed in the intervening years, though, and now this should be Goldberg’s true goodbye, one that both he and WWE can be proud of whether he wins or loses. For Lesnar, it’s a chance to erase the memory of one of the only real negatives in a career full of resounding successes and bloodbaths. For us, all those watching at home or in the arena, it’s a chance to see two legends collide when we’re not all furious at them for bailing on the thing we all love.

Will it be great? Will it even be good? Who knows? What we do know is that this has been a finely told story and that both performers seem motivated to put on a match that will make us all forget their last encounter. That could be enough, and maybe we’ll get even more.