What we learned from Survivor Series 2016

Survivor Series was full of surprises — some good, some great and some we’ll have to play wait-and-see with. It was a show that finally felt like it was as important as WWE always tells us the classic “Big Four” event is. So, let’s just dive right in to what we learned.

Nikki Bella, captain of Team SmackDown never made it to the ring thanks to a mysterious attacker. (It was Natalya). The coach of Team SmackDown, Natalya, took over for Nikki, giving her a chance to wrestle in front of her home country of Canada. (See, it was definitely Natalya.) Losing out on the longest-reigning Divas champ and captain ended up costing the blue brand, though, as they couldn’t hold it together and withstand the onslaught of a rested Bayley at the end.

What we learned: Nikki and Natalya are going to feud over this, and it also gives Natalya an outlet to stop pretending that she’s a good guy. We all know you’re here for Natalya only, Nattie, you can stop the charade. RAW Women’s Champion Charlotte didn’t like Bayley picking up the win for the team, as Charlotte cares only for the glory of Charlotte, and it was robbed from her even in victory. Bayley’s prize for winning the match for the Monday show was a post-match beatdown that very well might have pushed her ahead of Sasha Banks in the championship line.

Nia Jax was on point here, crushing everyone around here and even intimidating her own team into silence when the match broken down into an all-out brawl. She also lost about the only way she reasonably could: to Becky Lynch, the SmackDown Women’s Champ, and to a submission move. Nobody is pinning Nia Jax, but she can’t wrestle if her arm is ripped out of her body.

This is just what you want out of a Survivor Series-style match: stories were told in the match itself, and multiple stories spun out of it. The stakes were low coming in, but now both RAW and SmackDown have stories to run with leading to their next individual pay-per-view events. Good stuff, y’all.

Ooooooh man. So, it would have made a ton of sense for The Miz to lose the Intercontinental Championship to Sami Zayn, causing the entire SmackDown roster and already-fed-up-with-Miz authority figure Daniel Bryan to come down hard on him for it. Instead, Miz retained thanks to his wife and manager, Maryse, who decided to ring the bell signaling the end of the match in order to get Zayn to break the submission hold he had on Miz. Zayn was confused when he found out he wasn’t the winner, Miz capitalized, and the IC belt remains on Tuesday where it belongs.

What we learned: Miz is no stranger to cheating — an assist from Maryse is what won him the belt back in the first place — and he’s not above using underhanded tactics to maintain brand supremacy, either. How Daniel Bryan is going to take that is another story entirely — look out for Dolph Ziggler getting a rematch to return the belt to someone who won’t cheat.

As for Zayn, the poor guy got hosed, again, but we should have know this would happen. Don’t worry, Sami: someday you’ll win a title, and then Braun Strowman will be very interested in taking it from you.

This had zero stakes and no real story build-up, but it was a wonderful combination of dumb fun and great wrestling. Fandango and Tyler Breeze were eliminated almost immediately when Deputy Dango took his Fashion Police responsibilities a little too seriously, and The New Day were eliminated while they were too busy laughing at Fandango and Breeze for not paying attention. After that, the comedy spots slowly worked their way out of the match until we were down to Sheamus and Cesaro vs. The Usos, and those two pairs showed off how promising their new personae are.

What we learned: If Cesaro and Sheamus work together, they are unstoppable. The pair were awarded a Tag Team Championship match on RAW for their efforts in securing victory for the red brand, and though we can already guess that New Day is going to cheat their way into retaining the belts even though they are good guys and not supposed to cheat and are way past the point of needing to move on from the belts, we can still take solace in the fact that Sheamus and Cesaro will get them eventually. And it’ll be glorious and full of pain.

OH COME ON WWE THE CRUISERWEIGHT DIVISION SHOULD BE ON SMACKDOWN THEY’LL DO SUCH A GOOD JOB WITH IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN EVEN LIKE THE TRAVEL LOGISTICS MAKE SENSE GIVEN YOU HAVE A CRUISERWEIGHT SHOW GOING ON TUESDAY NIGHTS

What we learned: Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m trying to delete it. So, uh, Kalisto is a dope as hell cruiserweight. Baron Corbin cost SmackDown the entire cruiserweight division and a victory over RAW, and he gives zero poop emojis about it — Corbin is a dope as hell jerk. Kalisto and Corbin are likely going to continue their feud, and maybe down the road, SmackDown will get another shot at stealing away the cruiserweights, given that RAW didn’t exactly keep them because it deserved to. That would likely mean the Intercontinental Championship gets another shot at switching brands, though, just to keep things even, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, either.

This match was a mess, and that’s part of what made it so incredible. It was maybe a little too long, and the pacing was sometimes off, but none of that matters because we were all sports entertained to hell and back. James Ellsworth dying so SmackDown could live, best friends’ hug, the death of The List, brotherhood trumping brand loyalty, and an honest-to-goodness victory where the Wyatt Family looks unified and unstoppable. There was so, so much in this match, and it’s exactly what you want a Survivor Series match to be. It was highly entertaining in the moment, it spun off multiple stories — some new, some preexisting but progressed — and it managed to toy with the emotions of everyone watching it, one way or another.

What a beautiful, glorious mess. Wrestling is the best.

What we learned: Braun Strowman is going to be a star. James Ellsworth is super over even when he’s surrounded by main eventers, which means people are watching SmackDown. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens might have begun the match as best friends, but Owens sacrificed The List to save Jericho, getting himself disqualified and Jericho eliminated when he realized that his precious life’s work was scattered all over the ring.

Shane McMahon and Roman Reigns had an AMAZING sequence where Reigns caught him in midair on a Coast-to-Coast jump from one turnbuckle to the other side of the ring, except it maybe also broke Shane’s brain, literally. Please stop doing this to yourself, Shane O’Mac, you have nothing to prove to us.

Dean Ambrose came back to the match after being eliminated to reunite with Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins for a triple powerbomb on AJ Styles, giving us a Shield reunion that superseded brand loyalty. Expect Undertaker, who returned to SmackDown last week and promised vengeance against whoever cost the blue brand the match, to take umbrage with Ambrose’s lack of loyalty. Yeah, SmackDown won, but it wasn’t any thanks to Ambrose, who was eliminated first and then helped the opposition.

Luke Harper hasn’t trusted Randy Orton, who recently joined the Wyatt Family. However, Orton ate a Roman Reigns’ spear for Bray, allowing Bray to then hit his finisher on Reigns and take the match for the Wyatts and SmackDown. It was a huge moment for SmackDown, for the Wyatts — who have rarely been allowed to win the big match even as they’re presented as unstoppable — and for the Bray/Orton relationship: Orton is one of the all-time greats, but he was willing to take the proverbial bullet for his master. If that doesn’t prove his loyalty, nothing will.

Speaking of surprises, literally no one saw this coming. Goldberg didn’t get beat down in some valiant fashion where we could at least praise him for his bravery in the face of the impossible. Instead, he came out of the game hitting Lesnar hard, speared him multiple times, then hit the Jackhammer and pin combination for the win. Lesnar didn’t get in a single offensive move, and suddenly, the mystique around him is shattered. Goldberg got to be WCW Goldberg again for literally a minute, and it was glorious.

What we learned: WWE is done with the current version of Brock Lesnar: the legend became too big to still be wielded, and fans were getting bored with his rinse-and-repeat successes. This hits reset on him, makes Goldberg look like the legend he’s always referred to as, and should make the rest of the RAW roster terrified for the form Lesnar’s self-care will take on Monday night.

No long-term damage was done in creating this moment. Fans were shocked and entertained by the sheer surprise factor. WWE is now free to use Lesnar in a different way. Goldberg might actually come back for a real final match at some point, one that will go longer than a minute. There’s really no downside here, making that Jackhammer the exclamation point on the most entertaining Survivor Series in ages.