Sorry, die-hard WWE fan, but WrestleMania isn’t just for you

Are you a WWE fan? Actually, let me be a bit more specific.

Are you a die-hard WWE fan? The one who has a subscription to the WWE Network and watches all of their pay-per-views? Ever since the roster has been split into distinct brands, there are too many pay-per-views to keep count, and the names all become one abstract blur (Hello, Roadblock: End of the Line). Then there’s also the NXT roster, the cruiserweights of 205 Live, and the British competitors from the United Kingdom Championship tournament: all tertiary story lines within the WWE Universe. If that wasn’t enough, there’s always the network’s original shows. Oh, and then there are RAW and Smackdown Live to keep up with.

If you are one of these fans who devote that much time to professional wrestling, congratulations! You have all those hours of content to enjoy. A seemingly unlimited amount of pro graps isn’t daunting to you; it’s a welcomed challenge. All you have to do is turn on your TV or computer and relax.

However, there is one caveat in this. Most of WWE’s shows are meant to culminate, in one way or another, in this Sunday’s WrestleMania 33. And that, unfortunately, is not for you.

Sure, there are a few matches in the card that will get fans riled up like they would if it was on an NXT TakeOver event or a secondary pay-per-view, but WrestleMania is meant to attract the casual WWE fan, or maybe even a first-time viewer. It’s the reason you’ve been frequently grimacing since the Royal Rumble (or earlier), since this is when the Mania storylines typically unravel.

Two matches in particular exemplify this split between you and your buddy who still calls it the WWF: One is the Universal Championship match between current champion Goldberg and Brock Lesnar. SmackDown has it’s own version with Shane McMahon versus AJ Styles.

For the fan just tuning in, seeing Goldberg with the crimson red Universal Championship raises enough eyebrows to immediately pique interest. Chances are they know who he is from the late 90s’ Monday night wars. He looks like he hasn’t aged, save for the snowy goatee. Knowing absolutely nothing about why he’s there or how he won the championship doesn’t matter. It’s Goldberg, the WCW guy, taking on Brock Lesnar.

Lesnar has been around wrestling and UFC long enough to where anyone can identify him. After all, that’s why he’s one of the biggest draws in WWE today. It’s what makes his matches seem grander than wrestlers we see every week on RAW or SmackDown.

Your buddy doesn’t know the frustration that came about when Goldberg beat Kevin Owens for the title at the Royal Rumble. Between you and me, the best part of that match was Owens’ consistently going in and out of the ring waiting to strike. It was great, up until the match began, Chris Jericho’s music hit, and Goldberg hit his finisher to win in a matter of seconds.

All they’re concerned with is that the powerhouse of WCW is taking on the former UFC fighter who broke the Undertaker’s streak. Knowing just that makes the match worthwhile (unless they remember their first encounter). It hearkens back to the irresistible force versus the immovable object, with a big glop of nostalgia covering it.

For those of us who have been watching all year, we expect something different. Chances are this match is gong to last longer than the minute and change the other Goldberg matches did. This is where Brock Lesnar is poised to get his revenge after gloriously falling back down to Earth, with the stakes that much higher since it’s a championship bout. Still, we all know Owens should have kept the strap.

Who in the world would want to watch arguably the best wrestler in the world take on the owner’s son? But the person at your WrestleMania party will posit a different question: who is this southern tough guy with the soccer mom haircut and why is he wrestling against the guy who faced the Undertaker last year? As convoluted as it can seem, that’s reason enough to pit Styles versus McMahon.

They’ll know Shane O’Mac, the millionaire daredevil who gets beat up and falls off large heights even though he doesn’t have to do any of it. While they’re enamored with the nostalgia of the Attitude Era and last year’s Mania, you should check their out their reactions as they slowly learn who Styles is, where he’s been, and what he’s capable of doing.

It’s not an ideal position for Styles if you’re expecting an imposing exhibition of storytelling in the ring. But you can make the argument that this match garners more eyeballs than a match with a full-timer like Baron Corbin or Dean Ambrose would have. And that’s the point, much to our chagrin.

This may not be the spectacle that was John Cena versus AJ Styles from the Royal Rumble, but the match will surely include some aerial maneuvers that will keep the casual fan interested in what Styles will do after this match. In the meantime, as always with Shane McMahon matches: just enjoy the spots.

And that’s the thing about WrestleMania. It unfortunately doesn’t matter to WWE how these matches came about, because they’re sure the payoff will be worth it. From the hardcore perspective, it doesn’t make it any less annoying.

Don’t let this pre-Mania pessimism drown out any fun that you’ll have, though. There are still some excellent matches on this card tailor-made for you. There’s the culmination of the Kevin Owens — Chris Jericho feud and the Cruiserweight Championship match between Neville and Austin Aries, who, despite being as smug as ever, is getting white-hot baby-faced reactions from crowds. Bray Wyatt versus Randy Orton could finally be Wyatt’s time to break out as the bone-chilling character we know he can be. Even this trio of matches have different objectives, though, they’re more suited for the dedicated viewer.

Plus, there’s still NXT Takeover the night before, and both shows after Mania to look forward to.

For now, try to enjoy WrestleMania 33. Don’t have many expectations that things will turn out to your liking. We can celebrate at SummerSlam in August when our favorites finally get the limelight they deserve.