God Has No Interest in Saving the Cubs

I’m not a religious man, so maybe I don’t understand, but nothing has ever made less sense to me than the notion that God -- in whatever form you prefer to believe -- sides with one team over the other in a sporting contest. ↵
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↵However, if I’m wrong and the deity is a big baseball nut, it’s safe to assume he/she/it doesn’t much care for the Cubbies. So, in order to change his holiness’ rooting interests, the team decided to get a priest in the dugout before Game 1 last night to drench the place in holy water:↵

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↵Unfortunately for Chicago, God is a being of strong convictions who still has nothing but hate for the Cubs. Sprinkling some H2O ain’t gonna cut it, fellas. Perhaps try sacrificing a cow at home plate tonight, or something.
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