Baylor Bears Ain’t Scared of No Sooners, Predict Win Over Oklahoma Tomorrow Afternoon

When you’re Baylor, why be scared on the football field? The worst thing that can happen to you has already happened to you, football-speaking: You’re Baylor, a team that hasn’t had a winning season since 1995, which was so long ago they were actually making new Calvin and Hobbes comic strips then. (The strip ended that year, thus ending my sole reason to actually pick up a newspaper.)↵
↵
↵Thankfully, this isn’t 1995, which is why you’re not wearing a Dr. Seuss hat and carrying glowsticks at this very moment. This is 2008, where Baylor’s new coach Art Briles has gifted freshman Robert Griffin running around making up glorious things on the football field when the pesky x’s and o’s break down.↵

↵
↵

Also, when all else fails, you can always fall back on the last refuge of mad, desperate men: blind, outrageous confidence. ↵↵⇥Baylor tackle Jason Smith is feeling pretty confident about his team’s chances against No. 1 Oklahoma on Saturday.↵⇥↵⇥“This win that we’re going to get over OU will get us on the right track,” Smith told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.↵⇥

↵↵Oh, sure, you’re going to react with the logical: OU, crushing talent, blah blah blah. And that’s what you would say if you used pesky “facts” to make your case. Baylor has no need for your facts, infected as they are with the virus of rampant optimism.↵↵Georgetown, though, is infected with an entirely different virus. Norovirus, to be specific. They could use a serious shipment of sani-wipes if you have them hanging around. An outbreak has forced the cancellation of the football team’s game with Colgate Saturday, and has sickened 170 students at the school with nausea, cramping, and diarrhea. Norovirus is a foul little stomach bug picked up through contact with an infected person, making it a lot like optimism, really. (Except with the habit of ruining perfectly good pairs of underwear.)↵

↵