Parachuting Balls Into Stadiums Needs to End

The phrase MILF has to be killed. Always a little brah-tastic for my refined tastes*, the phrase is now a whining, balding tire on the badass truck of American public discourse. More often than not, when you hear someone say it, they say it looking around with approval, as if they’ve just said something really really naughty, and not a played-out snippet of verbiage already worn and tired when it was used in American Pie. Save yourself the disdain of snotty hipsters like myself and just move on. It’s just easier for both of us that way.
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↵↵Another fad of that has probably gone about two life cycles past its peak: parachuting balls or flags into stadiums. At first it was mildly interesting; then, parachutists started showing up at the wrong place altogether; finally, they started getting tangled in wires and making spectators fear for their safety. And in truth, Americans may already have gotten off this fashion train, but in Europe, sadly, the trend lag cost one French skydiver his life: ↵

↵↵⇥Parachutist Sylvain Chabrol, 42, had been meant to ‘deliver’ the match ball to the players by dropping onto the pitch from the air as a stunt at a game between France and Ukraine under 18s.↵⇥↵⇥But instead he hit a pitchside floodlight, then plummeted into the crowd, killing himself and injuring two teenage boys aged 16 and 17.↵⇥

↵↵ ↵Yes, let’s just retire this whole idea before the Russians try it and send an FC Spartak cheerleader into the stadium, only to have the wind catch him and deposit him the opposing stands full of Moscow Dynamo fans. (If you don’t get the reference: it would go about as well as this did.) ↵

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