All of your toys are officially obsolete in terms of both coolness and extravagance. Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich -- the owner of English Premier League team Chelsea -- is building a yacht that officially qualifies for a monopoly on all existing supplies of kickass in the world. The Eclipse, a $380 million ship that is being constructed in the same yard that produced the German battleship Bismarck, gets its name from Abramovich’s intent to have this yacht be a floating testament to excess that will “eclipse” his previous water-palaces.
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Chelsea Owner Roman Abramovich Makes Mark Cuban Looks Like a Poor, Submarineless Guy
↵↵And on that note: mission accomplished, tovarech. Worth $23 billion thanks to crafty post-Soviet downfall oil trading and a slew of other business interests, the soccer-mad tycoon has just ascended to Bond-Villain status by building a boat that will, among other things, run its own attached submarine, have its own hospital, disco, movie theater, and aquarium, and will possess enough bulletproof glass and early warning devices to make any attempt at piracy a daunting one at best. From the Daily Mail:↵
↵↵⇥The yacht will include radar equipment designed to warn the crew of incoming rockets, together with bullet-proof windows and armour plating on the bridge and around the 41-year-old Russian tycoon’s cabin.↵⇥↵⇥There will be twin helicopter pads and anti-bugging equipment, while the crew of 70 will include former SAS and Special Boat Service personnel. ↵⇥
↵↵Private army ... check. Submarine ... check. All Roman Abramovich needs now is an eyepatch, physical deformity, goatee, or obsession with gold, and he’ll be set for the next 007 movie. ↵↵Jerry Jones, you are poor. Do you hear me? Mark Cuban, your fortune is but pocket change compared to the largesse of Abramovich, who has redefined sports owner madness with The Eclipse. Now, if he could only fire Chelsea’s next manager by disintegrating him with an orbital laser while petting a white cat, his transformation to international villain supreme would be complete.↵
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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
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