Merrill Hoge brings us his guest commentary for the week, as interpreted by Spencer Hall, who is really just writing this as Merrill Hoge, because he thinks Merrill Hoge is awful and kind of creepy.↵↵I may have gone too far in my criticisms of Vince Young, and for that I apologize. I just get so emotional when I talk about the ENN-EFF-ELL, because it is a man’s league, a league for hard men who like hard, manly things. You have to be a man to survive even three seconds on the field in the ENN-EFF-ELL, to be a hard man with rippling muscles, glistening abs, and the ability to man up and play with the big boys like a man. If not, I will come down there and kill you with my bare hands, because I’m not paid to compliment players. I’m paid to flex on camera and insult players. It’s what I do. Now, here’s a film of someone gaining two yards on a run play, which is everything I love about the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. GRRRRRRR.↵
What You Need Is A Real Man at QB. A Merman.
↵↵You want to know a real man in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE? What he looks like? Besides Merrill Hoge?↵
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↵↵That’s a man. Look at those shoulders. The refined cuts of his ab muscles. THAT’S what a quarterback should look like: like a beautiful Merman, leaping from the water. Um, I mean, LIKE A HARD MAN. Yes, a hard ENN-EFF-ELL MAN. To summarize: Hard. Men. Hard. The National Football League. Vince Young still breastfeeds (Merrill’s unmanly editor requires Merrill to add this language warning for that KSK link).↵
↵↵I want Brady Quinn to send me a used t-shirt of his so I can sleep with it under my pillow and linger in his scent. Wait, what?↵
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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
