The Fact That We Know Brady’s Surgery Went Well Signals Breach In National Security

There are many unanswered questions in this Presidential election: how to solve the fallout from the subprime mortgage crisis, what the candidates are going to do with Iraq, how they’re going to restore American confidence in the government. All of these are nice, but let us ask the real question of immense concern to this nation: what are they going to do to bring Tom Brady’s knee back to its full strength after this week’s surgery and protect our most important national resource?↵↵⇥Patriots quarterback Tom Brady underwent surgery to repair his injured left knee Monday at the Kerlan-Jobe Orthopaedic Clinic in Los Angeles, NFL sources said. One source indicated that the procedure went well.↵↵L.A.? Don’t they have doctors in Boston? And who’s this source who’s talking? Tom Brady’s knee is a matter of national security, and they’re giving out buildings, addresses and names? How are these people being so careless about the most important person in the country? It is a failure of our leadership and our nation as a whole that Tom Brady is even hurt, much less that we’re practically telling terrorists his injuries, where he is, and how they can find him and his immaculately tailored designer pants, shirts and walking boot.↵↵I propose he be moved to an undisclosed location immediately and no further information be given with concern to his whereabouts. Gisele should join him there, while Bridget Moynahan and Brady’s other perfect offspring can move in next door in an adjoining cave. We cannot have any of them in harm’s way. There, after months of rehab, Tom can heal while ESPN and the NFL are forced to actually promote and take interest in other teams. I’m not saying it will be easy, but we can all get through this together. In the meantime, we’ll all just have to wait a few weeks for the televised production Brady: the First Post-Op MRI, to be broadcast live on ESPN2 on October 22nd.↵

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