Harris Smith Shoots Himself At An Applebee’s

Plaxico Burress turned himself in to police this morning on firearm charges three days after shooting himself in the leg in a nightclub. Merrill Hoge, take note: he was not limping, and therefore showing that ENN-EFF-ELL toughness you’re always blathering on about on NFL Live. All the stupidity of shooting yourself aside, if he plays two or three weeks after shooting himself in the leg, he’s at last certifiably moron tough.
↵
↵Plaxico Burress did however utilize a secret of NFL star tradecraft by using a fake name when, after ninety minutes of shopping for a hospital that would keep his injury on the down low, he settled on New York-Cornell Hospital, where he reported that he’d been shot at an incident over...um...some Riblets?
↵↵⇥Getting special treatment at New York-Cornell Hospital, where he gave his name as Harris Smith, saying he’d been shot at an Applebee’s restaurant. Nonetheless, hospital workers recognized him as Plaxico Burress, sources said, and the gunshot was not reported, as required by law. ↵↵The best part about this is that is seemed very probable to Plaxico Burress that Applebee’s would be a plausible place to be shot in the leg, as if the doctor would say “Yes, Applebee’s. You’re lucky to be alive after stepping out of that place, Mr. Smith-and-definitely-not-Plaxico-Burress. You should see the bodies we haul out of there after 2-for-1 margarita night.”↵