Texas Campus Police Are Surprisingly Witty

I don’t remember campus police having much humor about them when they towed my car off the lawn of Weaver Hall at the University of Florida. I thought having 21 parking tickets in a month was uproarious, but we disagreed on this point of humor, with their punchline being taking my big hunk of pure sex on four wheels -- a 1987 Ford Escort station wagon -- and impounding it behind barbed wire and a locked gate.↵↵The University of Texas Campus Po-Po are a different sort, though. This tiny two-sentence blurb appeared on the “Campus Watch” police blotter, nestled between a criminal trespass notice and an underage consumption of alcohol charge the day after Oklahoma edged out the Longhorns in the BCS standings:↵

↵↵⇥DKR- TEXAS MEMORIAL STADIUM, 2200 Robert Dedman↵⇥↵⇥Robbery: Several UT staff members, faculty, students, and Texas Ex’s discovered a fraction of a percentage point had been taken and was transported across state lines. The percentage point was discovered north of the Red River at the campus of another Big 12 South University.↵⇥

↵↵Well-played, Longhorn policemen. If my own campus’ policemen had had half that jollity in their hearts, they would have found me passing out stone drunk on the stairs of Turlington Hall to be “side-splitting,” and not “misdemeanor public drunkenness.”↵