The Logical Link Between Hitler, Scottish Soccer

When you think of logical connections in this world, you lean on the classics: peanut butter and jelly, manslaughter and a weekend with the boys, plaid ties and polka dotted bowlers. You know where we’re coming from here, or perhaps you don’t, and that’s fine, too, because all of this makes as much sense as David Tanner’s comments during the broadcast of the Scottish FA cup this past weekend. If you’ve ever thought, “You know what my sports announcing needs? More references to genocidal madmens’ birthdays,” well, you’ll be thrilled:↵↵⇥When Edinburgh rivals Hibs and Hearts were drawn together in the Scottish Cup fourth round, Tanner said: “The last time Hibernian won the Scottish Cup was in 1902 - the same year Adolf Hitler turned 13.”↵↵When? Oh, 1902. That’s so much clearer now, because I, like so many Scottish soccer fans orient my world history around Hitler’s 13th birthday. Tanner has now claimed the crown for Announcing Non Sequitur King, unless Gary Danielson decides to say something like “Alabama hasn’t won a national title since 1992, or one year after Foday Sankoh plunged Sierra Leone into their disastrous civil war.” Also, if Gary Danielson does say these exact words on national television, I will film myself eating an Alabama hat and post it on this website, because there is no way he is saying that on air.↵