Dunk Contest Recap: Round 1

By Bethlehem Shoals
Some notes on the Dunk Contest, roughly as it happened:
-This has to be one of the taller fields ever in the Dunk Contest. Artis Gilmore proved in that first ABA contest that big men can ruin things, but Dwight Howard last year must’ve changed all that. The shortest guys are Moon and Green at 6’8”. This despite the consensus that the shorter players are, the more dramatic their dunks look. Right, Nate Robinson?
-I am anticipating something crazy, though. That’s another thing Howard has done—between his kiss-the-rim dunk that never was, the elevated goal that never happened, and the sticker dunk he got robbed on, he’s really exploded the paradigm. Even if he doesn’t win this year, he’ll go down in history as a mover and shaker.
-I’ve heard we get to pick the winners this year. To compensate for the Howard scandal? Also, Jordan’s not judging this time. More fallout from last year?
-What in the name of heaven is Amare wearing? He looks like the commanding officer of the Project Runway militia.
-Kenny Smith put it well. “That was a great first-round dunk.” I guess if you’d never heard of Jamario Moon before today, which a lot of Americans hadn’t, that was a statement. For me, and them, it was insurance.
-Rudy Gay dunked awful quiet there.
-“Never been a jumper with this size except for Shawn Kemp, sort of.” How quickly Stoudemire is forgotten, or transfigured.
-The amazing thing about Howard is that, when he’s in the air, you forget how big he is. That dunk took Iguodala’s should’ve-been from a few years back and made it harder (behind the backboard the whole time) and more elegant (one-handed with a little twist on it). One of the best dunks ever improved upon.
-Rashad McCants was born for this. He’s a mad scientist just waiting for a field ... and he’s found it: weird dunk contest assistant.
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-I really have nothing to say about THE BIRTHDAY CAKE. That was one of the proudest moments of my life. Okay, I do. It was gimmicky, difficult, and insanely pointless. Like something they came up with at 4 in the morning, and Green figured he could do it without too much practice. Or is it funnier to picture hours and hours of Green and McCants rehearsing this?
-That second Gay dunk was hard only because Lowry had to time the pass. Not sure why that means Lowry deserves more credit, but as a whole there was a lot of coordination going on there.
-I never understand what’s going on when people mark the floor. And by the time I figure it out, they’ve done something different than they meant to.
-All these Green dunks are overshadowed by McCants’s showmanship. Crossing himself? Those batty faces?
-Note to Dwight Howard: You already look like a superhero. Putting on a cape dampens that aura. Makes you look like the arms are fake.
-That wasn’t even a dunk, he had to throw it in. And any number of other dudes could’ve actually gotten all the way to the basket. Was it supposed to show off the length of his limbs? I don’t see how that was more impressive than THE BIRTHDAY CAKE, which was difficult and non-corny.
-Come to think of it, THE BIRTHDAY CAKE was actually a cupcake. Maybe that’s why it didn’t get the respect it deserves.↵