Kimbo Slice Has No Respect for Your Face

By Spencer Hall
Where’s my Don King wig? Ah, there it is. Now hear this in my best Don King impersonation, gold-frame 1985 executive specs shining on my face: Kimbo Slice, a porn producer’s bodyguard and bouncer, goes from beating up people for money by the side of I-95 to fighting for thousands of fine American dollars in MMA matches. ONLY IN AMERICA!
Slice faced an MMA legend Tank Abbott, and did so at the most opportune moment: about eight years after his prime as an MMA fighter. Abbott’s been on a long losing streak, and hadn’t fought since a loss last April to Gary Turner in Cage Rage 21. The perfect high-end tomato can to face Kimbo Slice, who treated Abbott’s head to a enthusiastic tenderizing early and often.
See footage, if you dare, for exactly how it happened. (It’s only two minutes! Your boss won’t notice at all.)

Delicious look in hindsight at pre-fight bluster from Abbott:
“I don’t respect anybody in the cage,” Abbott said. “On Feb. 16, watch the way Kimbo crumbles.”
A winning attitude is important, I know. So is coming into the ring not looking like you’ve been training at Golden Corral for your only fight in a year. Now that I’ve said that, I’m going to run for my life from Mr. Abbott and hope my conditioning doesn’t give in before Abbott’s does. Judging from his appearance, my chances at outrunning him are goooooooood.↵