Notes From Your Friendly Local Sportsbook

By Spencer Hall
Random notes from the Caesar’s Sportsbook in Las Vegas, where your correspondent is busy resisting the urge to dive over a table for a free t-shirt.
--No upsets yet, something that’s keeping the crowd quieter than it might usually be. When the first one happens, it’s going to be boozy frenzy in here.
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Buzzing, yes; action, not so much...yet.
--I think that’s Gary Coleman sitting four tables over. If not, I’m very sorry, ma’am. Truly.
--A guy with a huge stogie and a perpetually refilled glass of scotch keeps screaming ‘SHOOT! SHOOT!’ at the poor boys from Cornell. Stanford won’t let Cornell see the sun, much less the basket. Captain Scotchy needs to settle down before he gets tasered.
--The dress code here varies wildly, but if you’re between the ages of 21 and 35, flip-flops and shorts are apparently de rigeur. Add the beer in hand the baseball cap, and the sports-affiliated shirt, and you could vanish like the Predator into the jungle without a trace.
--OMG that’s the biggest basketball player I’ve ever--wait, wait. That’s the 3:15 at Santa Anita, and that’s a horse. With a man on his back. Must lay off the caffeine. Must.
-Caesar’s strikes the balance between plush and functional nicely. The seats are comfy, the drinks arrive with just enough speed so you’re not ashamed of your level of consumption, and when lulls in the action (cough cough Cornell Stanford cough] strike, someone starts throwing t-shirts into the crowd next to a woman wearing nothing but shiny underwear and a bra.
Sweet land of liberty...TODAY! This is America at its finest, and I cannot be dissuaded. Find an event that cannot be improved with t-shirt tosses and scantily clad ladies, and I will find you an event that doesn’t need to exist.
--Seriously, someone’s going to have to hold me down. That t-shirt guy keeps missing me even though I’m waving my hands and screaming like a freakin’ toddler at a Wiggles show.
Spencer is covering the manic gamblefest out in Vegas. Follow his work here. ↵