Tony Stewart Cuts Off Mullet, Waxes His Back

By Chris Mottram
As you certainly haven’t noticed, when Tony Stewart hasn’t been busy vocalizing his dissatisfaction with Goodyear’s brand of slick tires or slapping other drivers, he’s been growing quite the mullet:
[img=http://i.tsn.com/i/photos/20080327/88108.jpg]
OK, to be fair, it’s only really mullet-ish when he has a hat on, which is all the time. But in the rare moments when he goes sans Home Depot cap, it’s really just long hair. Whatever it is, or isn’t, it is no more:
[quote="SceneDaily"]“To be honest, I just woke up one morning and told one of my roommates, ‘Today’s the day. I’m going to get it cut,’” Stewart said. “There was no rhyme or reason for it. I just woke up that morning and decided to get my hair cut, and that was that.”[/quote]
Wait a tic, one of Tony’s “roommates” cut the hair. Not only does he share a home with someone else, but he shares it with multiple people? That’s gotta be like turbocharged frat house. I can’t even imagine how awesome living with Tony Stewart must be, aside from his penchant for complaining constantly and physically harming those around him. But there’d be beer, man, lots and lots of beer. And probably women. The girls that hang around NASCAR pits are the most attractive species of females on earth. Short dudes who drive in circles just really do it for them.
But what women most certainly don’t like (we call this a “transition”) is back hair, and that’s why Tony waxed his off. Well, to be factually accurate, he did it for charity. Somehow, this raised $125,000 for the Victory Junction Gang Camp. I can’t find any further details on how his back hair raised that much money. The most revolting auction ever, I assume.
Apparently, this Camp can expect large sums of cash via Stewart’s back hair on a regular basis: “It’s already growing back. It’s like a Chia Pet.”
Hey, ladies, he’s single! Well, sorta.
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