Cooley Explains Everything You’d Ever Wanna Know About Drug Testing Awkwardness

Let me tell you something you already know: Chris Cooley is freakin’ awesome (in other news: We landed on the moon!). If you don’t know that by now, then you’ve been sharing a space beneath a rock with Bissinger, busy perfecting the craft of being devoid of humor. From the short-shorts, to the cheerleader wife, to his self-given Captain Chaos nickname, the man is just pure entertainment. (Not to mention a fine football player). ↵↵Recently he added another hobby to his resume: blogger. He started his own blog a couple months ago, and a few weeks ago, started blogging over at Y!’s Shutdown Corner. His writing is always extremely honest, insightful and, mostly, hilarious. But what he brought to us today is perhaps the greatest blogging from a pro athlete of all-times. (Aside: Cooley definitely should’ve been on that Costas Now panel in place of Braylon Edwards.)↵

↵↵In a post titled “Adventures in NFL drug testing,” Cooley gives a first-hand account of the NFL’s drug testing routine, which involves tracking down players and making them urinate in a cup within 24 hours of their name being randomly selected. No matter where said player might be. As if the opening line – “How do I end up in a bathroom stall at the Borgata with my pants around my ankles while a man named Bill stares at my penis?” – isn’t enough, here’s an excerpt to whet your appetite:↵

↵↵⇥I had known Bill [the urine test taker] was going to show up around four in the afternoon, so I was well prepared. After drinking five or six cranberry juices I couldn’t wait to go, but I figured that was a good thing. I couldn’t risk having stage fright in that type of situation. I mean, what would I have done? Chat it up with Bill over a couple of beers while he stared at my junk?
↵↵↵So yeah, pretty amazing stuff. He makes me proud to be a Redskins fan. Well, as proud as one can be with Dan Snyder as their team’s owner.↵

↵↵After the jump you’ll find more of Cooley, this time on The Blog Show, which is telecast on Comcast SportsNet in the D.C.-area (full disclosure: The show is co-hosted by my brother, Jamie Mottram).↵

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