Cadel Evans: The Gus Frerotte of Cycling

Australian Cadel Evans was cruising second in the Tour de France at Stage 15, and doing it without the support of a first-rank support crew. As you might imagine, this places a certain amount of pressure on a rider already overtaxed by a grueling race like the Tour. In fact, a body under that much stress may even start breaking down muscle for energy, or bone, or even the brain, which you’ll totally believe if you watch the following video of Evans headbutting a cameraman following yesterday’s Alpine stage. ↵

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The Dutch presenter is saying “I don’t know why he was that aggressive.” Why is he that aggressive? Because he just got through climbing 11,000 feet in a single stage, and is thinking about the fact that the next stage -- which they’re killing themselves on as we speak -- involves another 15,000 feet of climbing over 130 miles of Alpine hell. And there’s a camera in his face, and he’s tired, and he’s probably burned off all the fine civilized parts of his brain, and he’s dealing with Europeans, who confuse the friendly violence of the colonials with actual violence all the time. (When we want to kill people, Europe, we just kill them. We’re really, really good at it.)↵↵Like later in the day, for example, when Evans told a reporter, “Don’t stand on my dog or I’ll cut your head off,” which was really just like a verbal chuck on the shoulder. Since an Australian who really wanted to cut your head off would just do it, and then probably go eat a box jellyfish sandwich to celebrate the occasion. Question the grammar all you like, though: Cadel, do I stand on the dog and then NOT get my head cut off, or will I get my head cut off if I don’t stand on your dog? ↵

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