Thank You, Michael Phelps

↵Michael Phelps completed his thrilling assault on Beijing last night, winning his eighth gold in eight tries. We should be glad it’s over now, because Americans get bored quick and it was only a matter of time before someone started a petition against showing Mama Phelps in the stands. (The latest crime of this type: a Saturday evening puff piece on NBC regarding Phelps’ tough childhood, which included battles with ADD and kids who picked on him because of his “long body.” Yes, I’m sure no kid in Baltimore has ever had to deal with more than that. It’s a miracle Phelps survived such tragedy.)
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↵I don’t mean to be glib here; I’m as American as illegal fireworks and Jell-O. It’s just that the overcelebration gets to me. A McClatchy reporter -- in an otherwise fine story -- compared Phelps’ goal of eight golds to a baseball player planning how to beat Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hit streak. It’s ridiculous enough to negate the need to describe why it’s so ridiculous. But that’s exactly what is everywhere this morning, and will be everywhere for a few days.
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↵Of course, that’s as long as Phelps will stick around. Next month, you won’t see him on one segment of late night TV or SportsCenter. Even track gets decent pub every couple years, when a record is broken. Swimming pops up during the Olympic trials, hovers near the surface of familiarity until the Games, bursts into our sporting world, and just as quickly disappears. Last night Phelps said, “I don’t want this sport to be an every-four-years sport.” Changing that reality would be a bigger challenge than winning the eight golds.
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↵We are a fickle people. If we crown Phelps “greatest athlete ever” this week, it’s only a matter of time before we replace him ... with LeBron, with Tiger, with Federer. It’s a never-ending game that hardly means anything. I wish we could just say, “Michael Phelps, that was awesome. Thank you for putting in decades of hard work. I am thoroughly entertained and proud to share Planet Earth with you.”
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↵Wait, I can just say that. And I did.↵