Next Time, Take the Elevator to Ground Floor

In the biography The Chris Farley Show, which is a must-read for those who idolize Farley such as myself, there’s a story involving him, massive amounts of booze and a hotel window. Farley, in the height of his alcoholism and having consumed enough booze to kill you and I, was taken back to his hotel room by an SNL writer to sleep it off. He became enraged, charged said writer, who dodged Farley. With a full head of drunken, 250-pound steam, Chris went straight through a plate glass window, 15 stories from the ground. The only thing that kept him from plummeting to certain death was a radiator below the window, which miraculously held him up. Farley was lucky enough to walk away with only a wrist-to-shoulder laceration. ↵↵Two Westminster College football coaches weren’t so lucky yesterday morning. Both broke though the window of their Nashville hotel room. There was no radiator to keep them from falling:↵

↵↵⇥“They wrestled each other too close to the window going through it and down to the ground floor,” Nashville police spokeswoman Kris Mumford said. “That’s four floors.” ...↵⇥↵⇥Hotel spokeswoman Kim Keelor said the window the men fell through was double-paned with a strong wooden sash in the middle.↵⇥

↵↵The men -- co-offensive coordinator Scott Coy and running backs coach Darren DeMeio -- weigh a combined 525 pounds, which would explain why the double-paned glass lost its battle with this formidable mass. They fell about 40 feet, which is right at the threshold of incredibly painful and life-taking. The accident occurred at 4AM, so I’m just going to guess that they had been enjoying some of the same sarsaparilla as Farley. Coy, the larger of the two, is in critical condition.↵