General

The Designed Rush, Week 6: In Which the Rams Unseat the Lions on the Can

Oct 13, 2009, 4:00 PM UTC

Could the impossible implosion happen again? Just last year the football world was transfixed by the historical ineptitude that permitted the Lions to finish an unprecedented 0-16. But the St. Louis Rams appear primed to match that disgraceful benchmark, and maybe even look worse doing so.â†µ

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â†µâ†µGranted, it’s still early. And, frankly, going 0-16 is more remarkable than it sounds. All it takes to snap is catching a team in a flat performance or creating a few freak turnovers. But if anyone has the potential this year, without a doubt it’s St. Louis. Through five games last year, that winless Lions team amassed a point differential of -83, though they came within two points (and some would say were hosed by questionable officiating) of stealing a win against the eventual division champion Minnesota Vikings. This year’s Rams team, meanwhile, through five games has already been shutout twice and has a point differential of -112. Yes, they look worse than The Worst Team Ever.â†µ

â†µâ†µRams fans, if they can pretend they’re not actually distressed about the Cardinals exit from the National League playoffs, would argue there are signs that their team easily has a victory in them. After all, the Rams outgained the Vikings this past Sunday (even if a lot of that was garbage time yardage), but were bedeviled by three red zone turnovers. Moreover, Kyle Boller will no longer be the starter, allowing Marc Bulger -- who, unlike Boller, has made displays of competency in his career -- to return under center, not that he’s been particularly dazzling in the chances he’s gotten this year anyway.â†µ

â†µâ†µThe thing is, looking at the Rams schedule, they may have already squandered one of their best opportunities at getting into the win column (much like the Lions did with the Vikings early last season), the Week 2 game in Washington, where the ‘Skins gave them a chance at a game-winning drive. Six of the Rams’ final 11 games are against teams currently .500 or better. Of the remaining five games, three of them are on the road. That leaves home games against division rival Seattle (which suffered a few setbacks that can be pinned on Matt Hasselbeck’s injury) and an always potentially explosive Texans team. â†µ

â†µâ†µIn fact, the key to whether the Rams become the next 0-16 punchline could be a Nov. 1 matchup in Detroit. The Lions, having shown signs of life in recent weeks by beating the Redskins and hanging with the Vikings, Bears and Steelers, have an opportunity as a franchise to get past the opprobrious distinction of a winless season by passing that burden onto someone else. No doubt they’d be all too happy to share that misery. â†µ

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â†µFive games to watch even if you don't have a rooting interest or fantasy players involvedâ†µ

â†µâ†µNew York Giants at New Orleans (1 p.m., Sunday)â†µ

â†µâ†µWhile both teams are unbeaten, the prolific Saints offense has been kept mostly in check its previous two games - on the road in Buffalo and at home against the Jets. Meanwhile, the Giants are steamrolling every team put in front of them, though it does help that the last two were the feckless Chiefs and Raiders. The winner of this game instantly becomes the favorite to take the NFC, while also holding what will probably be a key head-to-head advantage in the standings over another contender. â†µ

â†µâ†µBaltimore at Minnesota (1 p.m., Sunday) â†µ

â†µâ†µZOMG! PURPLE TEAMS! The Ravens offense tore through the AFC for the first three weeks of the season, but now has found a little tougher going against defenses that don’t belong to Cleveland, Kansas City or San Diego. The Vikings D will pose a big threat in the Metrodome, especially if rookie Michael Oher has to start against Jared Allen. While Oher played well against Antwan Odom on Sunday, that was also a home game when crowd noise wasn’t a factor in getting off the line. Like the Vikings, the Ravens excel at stopping the run, which will force Brett Favre to have another performance close to the one he had against the Packers in Week 4. The Ravens secondary has been a major issue for the typically intimidating defense, meaning unless their menacing front seven can get to Favre, the Ravens might find themselves bit players in another Favre redemption tale.â†µ

â†µâ†µChicago at Atlanta (8:30 p.m., Sunday) â†µ

â†µâ†µEach team has a solid 2009 resume -- only slightly sullied by a single subpar performance. Other than the Broncos, the Falcons had probably the biggest statement game of Week 5 by traveling to San Francisco and brutally dismembering a 49ers team that was a Vikings converted Hail Mary away from being undefeated. Jay Cutler has notched seven touchdowns and only one interception since a horrific opener in Lambeau. Facing a 24th ranked Falcons rush defense, Matt Forte needs to post a second consecutive big game following his sluggish start in the first three weeks.â†µ

â†µâ†µDenver at San Diego (8:30 p.m., Monday) â†µ

â†µâ†µThe Broncos’ win over the Patriots put to bed all the talk about how “real” Denver is. Now that realness has been confirmed, we must gauge JUST HOW REAL THEY ARE. Beating the AFC West nemesis Chargers in San Diego could all but wrap up an otherwise pathetic division a mere month and a half into the season. That can’t be great for maintaining a competitive streak going into January, but it’s also a luxury I bet every team in the NFL would like to have.â†µ

â†µâ†µKansas City at Washington (1 p.m., Sunday) â†µ

â†µâ†µBefore you recoil at my poor judgment, I realize this game will be absolutely putrid by almost any standard. Except for perhaps the most important of all: hilarity. The Redskins, as was noted by writer Joe Posnanski, will face a winless team for an NFL record sixth consecutive week. Granted, the opening week game against the 0-0 Giants is a technicality, but still. The unrest among the Redskins faithful is palpable, but they’ve so far been fortunate enough to award two teams their first win of the season on the road. Should Washington fall to another at home, there aren’t enough Dan Snyder operatives on the payroll to confiscate all the contraband calling for him to sell the team.â†µ

â†µâ†µNFL Player Tweet of the Weekâ†µ

â†µâ†µ“You have to make that catch!“ and ”We have to be physical to win!” Bill Romanowski, Sundayâ†µ

â†µâ†µI dare someone to try to keep up with this feed without thinking it’s a parody. Romanowski’s Twitter feed is rightfully being used as the humor fodder it is, but I can’t possibly stress enough what a treasure trove of wildly out of context football cliches the man is able to produce through it. Once he gets into football-watching mode on Sundays, a torrent of football platitudes will issue forth to such an extent that Mark Schlereth and Merrill Hoge couldn’t match it even you handed them a set of football platitude flash cards and forced them to cram for a test on sports analyst banality. â†µ

â†µâ†µTruth About Advertisingâ†µ

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â†µLevi’s brand is inseparably intertwined with a vague sense of Americana that Wrangler Jeans only wishes it could achieve. So naturally Levi’s has to play on that timeless essential American quality by going overboard with hyperstylized ads showing adventuresome behavior evocative of the country’s trailblazing spirit while Walt Whitman poems are being read over the action. Though some bemoan the co-opting the work of a iconic American artist for commerce (are you really surprised at this point?) the choice of the poet’s work is definitely a more daring one than playing a country song while showing kids wrestling in the tall grass, which is the way national identity is usually flimsily linked to jeans.â†µâ†µDispatches From Madden Nationâ†µ

â†µâ†µThe inclusion of the Wildcat package in every team’s playbook is already an embellishment that roils some Madden players. And it wouldn’t be so terrible if the Wildcat weren’t good for at least seven-yard gains almost every time a team rushes out of it. Nothing smacks more of a developer wanting to push a new feature than to make it overly effective against a base defense.â†µ

â†µâ†µA Delicious Bundle of Gripesâ†µ

â†µâ†µ- I would argue that this past weekend set forth a convincing argument for moving flex scheduling way up in the football calendar, but really, I’m not even sure that would have made that much of a difference with the slate of duds being offered up. Perhaps it would have helped to move Ravens-Bengals to Sunday night and have bumped Colts-Titans. Even with doing that, Chiefs-Cowboys becomes the lone remotely watchable match-up among the early games. Damn these bye-infested midseason weeks. Luckily Week 5 was salvaged somewhat by a Monday night contest that turned out to be far better than anyone could have anticipated.â†µ

â†µâ†µ- Speaking of last night’s game, Braylon Edwards didn’t require long to shake the stench of Cleveland failure off him and become a competent big play receiver. If this effect is so pronounced on such pedestrian players, just think of the dozen straight NBA titles LeBron James will win when he finally skips town.â†µ

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â†µ- Josh McDaniels’ fist pump spasm at the end of the Broncos win over the Patriots really put the post-victory Jeff Fisher fist pump shows to shame. Not that Jeff is getting many chances to hone that part of his game this season. â†µâ†µ- Weeks 1 and 2 in Buffalo saw the vandalization of Leodis McKelvin’s home and a theft at Donte Whitner’s. It’s a been an eerily quiet few weeks hence, so the news from last night that a large wooden statue of Thurman Thomas that was carved out of a fallen pine tree has gone missing should return a sense of normalcy to western New York.â†µ

â†µâ†µ- At this point in the year, an all-Manning Super Bowl doesn’t seem so much as likely as an inexorable conclusion for the 2009 season. And as nauseating the prospect of that eventuality is to those fearful of soft focus schmaltzy profiles of the Manning clan, just try and wrap your mind around what ESPN would do if Peyton and the Colts met Favre and the Vikings in Miami. You’re bashing your laptop against your head like you’re Owen Schmitt, aren’t you?â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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