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This Week In Schadenfreude: Oct. 26

Oct 26, 2009, 6:45 PM UTC

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â†µâ†µA lot of crazy stuff happened this weekend and much pain is below;â†µpicking the absolute worst thing to go down this weekend was tough. Butâ†µI think having the #1 team in the country on the ropes but losingâ†µbecause a 400-pound defensive tackle blocked two fourth-quarter fieldâ†µgoals, one as time expired, has got to be more painful than evenâ†µMichigan State’s gut-punch-with-flair. So congratulations,â†µTennessee, you win the Tears of Unfathomableâ†µSadness, and for good reason: â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
I'm Just Heartbroken
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥By â†µâ‡¥ghostofneyland, onâ†µâ‡¥October 24th, 2009â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I'm at a loss for words. Justâ†µâ‡¥sick.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥...I mean, we are SUPPOSED to makeâ†µâ‡¥thoseâ†µâ‡¥kicks. We didn't. We squandered three kicks - any of which could haveâ†µâ‡¥beaten the No. 1 team in the nation, our biggest rivals. I still can'tâ†µâ‡¥believe it.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I just don't know what to say.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥In my heart, I believe the Vols playedâ†µâ‡¥to win the game and should have won. We did everything right most of theâ†µâ‡¥time, but it just simply wasn't enough. We had several costly penalties,â†µâ‡¥and the Tide had one stinking penalty all day, but that's not an excuse.â†µâ‡¥You can't expect to get calls in Tuscaloosa. The refs weren't the reasonâ†µâ‡¥Tennessee lost the game. Tennessee's kicker was.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥...This coaching staff, this team,â†µâ‡¥thisâ†µâ‡¥program is headed in the right direction. There have been fewer times inâ†µâ‡¥my life that I've been prouder to be a Tennessee Vol. There have alsoâ†µâ‡¥been fewer times in my life that I've been more depressed.â†µ

â†µâ†µThat’s a mature, reasonable responseâ†µfrom a classy fan. This is not: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥You run another play and you throw an interception or they throwâ†µâ‡¥another flag on us -- I wasn’t going to let the refs lose the game for usâ†µâ‡¥there and some magical flag appear.â†µâ†µâ†µYou might have gotten tipped off by the first person: this isn’t someâ†µkid with an XBox and NCAA 10, it’s Lane Kiffin. Kiffin also complainedâ†µabout Cody ripping his helmet off with the ball still live, which shouldâ†µhave been a 15-yard penalty, and set himself up for what will be aâ†µmeaningless fine from Mike Slive:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥“I’m sure we’ll get one of those letters that really meansâ†µâ‡¥nothing as Bobby got last week, but Florida and Alabama live on,”â†µâ‡¥Kiffin said.â†µâ†µâ†µLane, your tears are so yummy and sweet. The rest of the week inâ†µspleen after the jump.â†µ

â†µ

â†µACC

â†µâ†µMaryland is this year’s Syracuse, I think, a teamâ†µthat evidently sucks and would be totally uninteresting but for theâ†µvaliant efforts of the team-affiliated blogosphere to cope by postingâ†µeither crying babies or rants in the aftermath of losses to Duke. Yes, inâ†µfootball:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Oh, were you thinking Duke is up this year? Bzzzzt. No they’re not.â†µâ‡¥They’re still Duke. Duke sucks. F--- Duke. If they make a bowl game thenâ†µâ‡¥I’m Shirley Chisholm.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥As for Maryland, I’m just searching for a phrase right now. What’sâ†µâ‡¥the phrase I’m looking for...noodle d---s? No, that’s too mean. Iâ†µâ‡¥wouldn’tâ†µâ‡¥want to call these guys noodle d---s in a forum that is at leastâ†µâ‡¥technically public. If I were to call them noodle d---s, whichâ†µâ‡¥they are, that would be an insult to The Kids. You gotta respectâ†µâ‡¥The Kids. Especially the kind of kids that bench 250 and run 4.5â†µâ‡¥forties.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Oh, wait, I’ve got the phrase now. Losers.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥It’s nice down here with us losers, isn’t it? Sometimes, theyâ†µâ‡¥drop a bucket of fish heads on us. That’s when we party!â†µâ†µâ†µI assume the last sentence is a reference to a movie starring someoneâ†µwho used to be on Saturday Night Live, but prefer not to knowâ†µin case the Terps’ season has driven Shell Games so mad withâ†µrage that incoherent spittle about fish heads is the sanest stuff theyâ†µcan offer up.â†µ

â†µâ†µElsewhere in the League that Logic Forgot, we have what I think is aâ†µfirst in the history of TWIS: posts from both sides of a single game.â†µHere’s Clemson blog Sporting Gnomes early in theâ†µcontest: â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
3rd & 49
â†µâ‡¥Yes. That happened. FML.â†µ

â†µâ†µIt happened after a 20-yard sack, a holding call and a clipping penalty.â†µIt was followed by a punt. Despite that, Clemson actually won the game,â†µthanks in large part to a C.J. Spiller kickoff return touchdown with less than a minute left in the first half, without whichâ†µClemson probably wouldn’t have gotten to overtime and beatenâ†µMiami.Then Canespace wouldn’t have had to reference Bon Jovi:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Shot Through The Heart And You're To Blame
â†µâ‡¥U give love a bad name.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Miami's stunning, saddening loss to Clemson on Saturday at The Sharkâ†µâ‡¥broke the hearts of Hurricane fans everywhere. For those who madeâ†µâ‡¥the trek from near and far to show their love for the team wearingâ†µâ‡¥orange and green, all they could do when the game was finally over wasâ†µâ‡¥to file out of Landshark Stadium in shock (and some even in tears) afterâ†µâ‡¥the overtime loss to the Tigers.â†µ

â†µâ†µThat description does not conform to my expectations for Miami fans.â†µThe comments do: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥He couldn’t make any adjustments to stop this whack a-- attack thatâ†µâ‡¥Clemson has? Come the F on dude you suck and any of you homers on hereâ†µâ‡¥who want to call me out go ahead!!!â†µâ†µâ†µThere’s also the guy who spells “f---” with two Ks. I detect aâ†µstrong Juggalo presence in the Miami fanbase. â†µ

â†µBIG TEN

â†µâ†µIt wasn’t a good week for college football in the state of Michigan.â†µPenn State’s pounding of Michigan caused the previouslyâ†µfairly happy Michigan fanbase to revert to the warring camps they livedâ†µin last year. I sort of called the complainers dumb at the home base,â†µbut Geniunely Sarcastic took it a lot farther. For the purposes of thisâ†µcolumn we’ll appropriate not the riposte but the inanity fisked: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥This team is terribly coached. The losses don’t bother me as much asâ†µâ‡¥the certain knowledge of how badly coached this team is. I chuckle atâ†µâ‡¥the ‘three things’ did this team in notion (followed by an article whichâ†µâ‡¥categorizes 60+ crappy plays into three things).â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥This team is terrible at the fundamentals, haphazard in terms ofâ†µâ‡¥scheme, pathologically deficient on special teams, and simply sloppy atâ†µâ‡¥every position on the field. They look like just the sort of crap canâ†µâ‡¥team that would spike a ball on 3rd down with ten ticks left on theâ†µâ‡¥clock. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I never thought this would be the case. UM is terribly coached. Andâ†µâ‡¥today, they reverted so far, that just like game after game last year,â†µâ‡¥they quit.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I apologize for this. I will not post regularly because I don’t wantâ†µâ‡¥to become that guy. But as for this coach - I no longer believe he canâ†µâ‡¥produce a Big Ten Quality team.â†µâ†µâ†µAs always on the internet, “terribly coached” meansâ†µ“played poorly.” â†µ

â†µâ†µI think it was actually worse for Michigan State,â†µthough, which for the third time this year experienced a face-crushingâ†µloss. First, it was Central Michigan getting a second chance at aâ†µgame-winning field goal. Then it was Kirk Cousins throwing a horribleâ†µinterception a play after overthrowing a wide-open receiver by ten yards for aâ†µgame-winning touchdown. This weekend it was a last-secondâ†µslant by Marvin McNutt four plays after Stanzi threw an interceptionâ†µthat was called back by defensive holding. That is life as a Michiganâ†µState fan. It’s not the losing. It’s not even losing in a conventionalâ†µheart-wrenching fashion. It’s the extra bit of flair that Michigan Stateâ†µseems to tack on two or three times a year. Don’t take my word for it: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥It’s 1:00 PM on October 25, 2009. I’m driving down Collingwoodâ†µâ‡¥to head to the Engineering Building to write an article. Theâ†µâ‡¥following questions are in my head: When has a prevent defenseâ†µâ‡¥ever worked? Why couldn’t MSU score a touchdown with a first and goalâ†µâ‡¥from the one? And most of all, why do these losses always seem toâ†µâ‡¥happen to Michigan State?â†µâ†µâ†µSee? Later, or earlier, or ... well ...â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥It’s 10:45 PM on October 24, 2009. I’m numb. Speechless.â†µâ‡¥Confused. Dazed. This is not a new feeling.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥It’s 2:20 PM on October 25, 2009. Somebody just asked someoneâ†µâ‡¥else how the game was last night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, AND THIS ISâ†µâ‡¥NOT HOW YOU DO SMALL TALK.â†µâ†µâ†µThe article’s conceit is a little confusing, but if you can get overâ†µthe time shifts, it’s actually an excellent insight into the psyche ofâ†µMichigan State’s particular fanbase. If you, Louisville fan, need aâ†µpick-me-up, this is the article to hit. â†µ

â†µâ†µOne last bit before moving on. Another writer on that blog takesâ†µissue with the picture -- McNutt bringing in the winner -- and a third writerâ†µchimes in:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Revelâ†µâ‡¥in the pain
â†µâ‡¥because one day ... well, I don't know, we'll become inoculatedâ†µâ‡¥against the pain? Like those guys who spray mace in their own eyes toâ†µâ‡¥become resistant to it?â†µ

â†µâ†µThese are your hopes, Spartan football fans. At least there’s always basketball and its ability to make you thinkâ†µabout things other than “sharp objects.”â†µ

â†µBIG EAST

â†µâ†µUm. South Florida. Um: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Your sad......â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Try being a USF fan and a Dolphins fan this weekend..... Im aboutâ†µâ‡¥ready to jump off the Skywayâ†µâ†µâ†µNo, that’s not the um. This is:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥YES.. I had to unload my wife’s gun and hide the bullets. Sheâ†µâ‡¥is from Miami and took this weekend even harder than I....â†µâ†µâ†µI hope you hid them in the birthday cake. This guy’s wifeâ†µaimlessly hearing the hammer click down again and again is ourâ†µScott Tenorman of the Week.â†µ

â†µBIG 12

â†µâ†µOne of my other gigs is running the Blogpoll, which is basically anâ†µAP/Coaches’ poll for bloggers. In an effort to keep homerism to aâ†µminimum, the poll tracks how much people overrate their own teams andâ†µawards them a sarcastic trophy named for a couple of hilariously biasedâ†µfolk, one on the right (Ann Coulter), one on the left (Kos). Recipientsâ†µof this award are almost always freakin’ doomed, andâ†µNebraska dominated it for two straight weeks -- hugeâ†µmargins, bye week, more huge margins -- but escaped punishment with a winâ†µover Missouri. Well, now we know the CK Award likes its revenge served cold: â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Eight (8!) - A Musing...
â†µâ‡¥ 17 comments soâ†µâ‡¥far October 24, 2009 by Darren K. Carlsonâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Saturday afternoon's game was ridiculous. The number 8 just keepsâ†µâ‡¥rattling around in my head. The images of all those turnovers replay inâ†µâ‡¥my mind. It's enough to make you crazy. Sometimes, the only way to stayâ†µâ‡¥sane is to laugh. If you can't find a way to laugh at it yourself orâ†µâ‡¥tough times, you are cooked. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥If you were wondering how many turnovers it would take for NU to loseâ†µâ‡¥to ISU at home...well, now you know.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I was watching another football game today. And on one drive, theyâ†µâ‡¥didn't fumble the ball. I was like, "hey, what's the deal?â†µâ‡¥Shouldn't they fumble?"â†µ

â†µâ†µDo not screw with this thing. â†µ

â†µâ†µBONUS. Signs of adulthood: voting, dying in a warâ†µand now getting criticized by guys on the internet:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Bill Kerr Oct 25 09
â†µâ‡¥Niles Paul just kills me.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Incredibly gifted athlete... but an incredibly stupid footballâ†µâ‡¥player.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I know it isn't seen as cool to bag on 20 year-old kids, but if theyâ†µâ‡¥are old enough to die in war...â†µ

â†µâ†µElsewhere on the Big Red Network, a pithy summation of Nebraska’s fate in the 21st century:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Psychologically, it’s hard not to call this whole decade over andâ†µâ‡¥start thinking about 2010.â†µâ†µPAC 10

â†µâ†µAfter each UCLA loss, this column turns its lonelyâ†µeyes to Bruins Nation in anticipation of a spittle-fleckedâ†µresponse akin to the ones that were so entertaining in the last days ofâ†µthe Karl Dorrell regime. To date it’s been disappointed. But what’sâ†µthis? Is it a demand in a headline?â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Bigâ†µâ‡¥Picture Thoughts: Rick Neuheisel Needs To Deliver (At Least) 6 Wins Inâ†µâ‡¥2009
â†µ

â†µâ†µIt is! Surely the worm must be turning after a two-touchdown loss toâ†µArizona:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Years of mismanagement and I would submit total neglect from the UCLAâ†µâ‡¥administration has our football program the state it is in right now. Itâ†µâ‡¥is not going to get easier any time soon.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I fully expect us to lose next weekend as well as we will probablyâ†µâ‡¥see the two Kevins flail away leading an impotent offense, while theâ†µâ‡¥Bruin defense will probably get run around and marched on with easy asâ†µâ‡¥they look hapless (and kind of hopeless) under their coaches’ not soâ†µâ‡¥inspiring bend-don’t break boring schemes. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥The expectations for this season remains the same. Neuheisel andâ†µâ‡¥his coaches need to bring home 6 wins. If he tries to spin anything lessâ†µâ‡¥than that as a successful season, we are going to LOL at him or anyoneâ†µâ‡¥else who tries to spin it as success.â†µâ†µâ†µIt is. Root against UCLA the rest of this year, and ye shall beâ†µrewarded.â†µ

â†µSEC

â†µâ†µAuburn’s hot start has foundered spectacularly, withâ†µthe latest indignity a 31-10 hammering at the hands of LSU that The War Eagle Reader calls an “abysmal, soul-wrecking performance” andâ†µpossibly the “single worst effort by an Auburn football team inâ†µyears.” One-time genius savior Gus Malzahn is now veering towardsâ†µTony Franklin II: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥It may be too early to declare that offensive coordinator Gusâ†µâ‡¥Malzahn’s system will not translate to SEC play, but if you can’t writeâ†µâ‡¥it in ink you can definitely jot it down it in pencil. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥You could make a case that, five-win string aside, Auburn’s offenseâ†µâ‡¥under Malzahn is currently even less effective than it was under theâ†µâ‡¥heckled Tony Franklin. His performance was considered so bad he wasâ†µâ‡¥ejected from the program in mid-season and suffered the ignominy of theâ†µâ‡¥media snapping photos of him carting his belongings to his car afterâ†µâ‡¥being summarily booted.â†µâ†µâ†µReally? Really, we want to broach another midseason coordinator axingâ†µafter last year’s went so well? Chris Todd remains Chris Todd, and evenâ†µif Malzahn’s magic fairy wand ran out of dust after six games, justâ†µgetting to six games with it is something of a minor miracle when yourâ†µquarterback’s favorite pass trajectory is something out of Scorchedâ†µEarth.â†µ

â†µâ†µThe verdict, no sugar coat:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Auburn is simply a bad football team. There’s no way to sugar coatâ†µâ‡¥it.â†µâ†µâ†µElsewhere in Auburn misery, the calls for the other coordinator are starting:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Fire Ted Roof PLEASE!
â†µâ‡¥I would like to know the true reason for the hire of Chizik. Iâ†µâ‡¥believe as academics we can handle the truth. [Ed: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THEâ†µâ‡¥TRUTH.] I know we will never know the truth of the Tuberville firing forâ†µâ‡¥if we did too many heads would roll. However this Chizik and Roofâ†µâ‡¥coaching staff is such an insult to the entire memory and institution asâ†µâ‡¥a whole I demand that Auburn fire Jay Jacobs, Chizik and for God's sakeâ†µâ‡¥get rid of that loser Ted Roof.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥As long as Jay Jacobs is athletic director at Auburn, they will be aâ†µâ‡¥3rd tier football program. We are the 3rd oldest football club in theâ†µâ‡¥world for those of you who don't know. Auburn is not a training club forâ†µâ‡¥offensive and defensive coordinators and we are certainly not a trainingâ†µâ‡¥program for head coaches. If I could have a face to face with Jay Jacobsâ†µâ‡¥I would tell him he is at best incompetent and at worst a liar. Whenâ†µâ‡¥will the GAF stop funding and demand for the departure of Jacobs,â†µâ‡¥Chizik, Malzahn and Roof?â†µ

â†µâ†µMaybe Auburn should fire a coach and coordinator every year untilâ†µthey get really, really good. I’m pretty sure that will work. â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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