Lions Try to Distract Fans From On-The-Field Beating

Turkey Day, like most days, hasn’t been so kind to the Detroit Lions. They haven’t won the annual game they host since 2003. Last year was particularly painful, having been defeated by the Titans 47-10 while scores of their own fans held up signs making some sort of Detroit bailout joke (hey, at least it slightly more current then).↵↵This year doesn’t look any more promising. Despite Matt Stafford manhood-establishing performance last week against Cleveland, the Lions face a Packers team that blanked them 26-0 in the first meeting in Lambeau. So team officials are hoping that stuffing fans to the point of trytophan-induced wooziness will distract them from the drubbing at hand. Yes, the Lions are serving Thanksgiving dinner at the stadium. Which is odd since they have the early game tomorrow. They’re only serving it from 10:30 a.m. until kickoff at 12:30 p.m. Who wants to eat that early?↵

↵↵⇥Levy executive chef Joe Nader and his staff will roast 50 whole turkeys and prepare 500 pounds of mashed potatoes and 500 pounds of stuffing, along with 20 gallons of cranberry sauce. ↵⇥↵⇥The menu for the feast, which will be served from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. in the Hall of Legends, includes roast turkey with giblet gravy and orange cranberry chutney, mashed potatoes with garlic and white cheddar, sweet potatoes glazed with bourbon, dressing and other sides and desserts.↵⇥

↵↵↵The offer, unfortunately, is only available to club-level attendees, meaning the hoi polloi will be on their own for finding coping mechanisms for their team’s ineptitude. Trusty ol’ alcohol should fill in nicely, I think.↵

↵