All too often, we tend to ignore happenings in our parallel universe. With that in mind, here’s a write-up of football happenings from the fifth dimension:
The Latest From Football’s Alternate Universe
↵The United Football League’s championship game ended Friday with the Las Vegas Locomotives victorious over the Florida Tuskers, 20-17. J.P. Losman of the Locomotives threw for 193 yards. On the Tuskers side of the ball, Brent Bollinger threw for two touchdowns and Tatum Bell rushed for 44 yards.
↵Shortly after the game, President Viggo Mortenson invited the Locomotives to the White House this winter.
↵Following with tradition, the Locomotives will be given dominionship of their own solar system and $40 billion in cash. The Tuskers were issued a baton and bicycle helmet, drafted into the Army of the Constitutional Republic, and sent to the Western Territories to conquer the province of New California.
↵This report has been brought to you by SBNation.com, where we offer name-brand cutlery at discount prices!
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