Australian Football League Riot Goes Medieval

The Aussies are wont to mock Americans for their wussy football, what with its helmets and its pads and its penalties that make it possible for all the little ballerinas to keep their dresses from getting too scruffed up. Clearly the Australian overall advantage in ruggedness extends to their sports riots as well, as on Sunday police arrived on the scene of a riot at a Australian Football League match that was 500 people deep, some of whom were armed with spears and axes.↵↵⇥“A number of those people were armed with axes and spears and a large number were involved in hostile and aggressive behaviour, which was later directed at police,” he told AAP.↵⇥↵⇥“The guys (officers) that attended were concerned for their own safety and obviously the safety of at least one man who had already been injured.↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥“As you can imagine, even when a number of police cars turn up, when you’ve got a crowd that’s potentially 500-strong, it’s difficult to take proactive action at the time.↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥“That’s why we tend to respond to these kind of incidents by doing the follow-up investigation the next day and taking action against individuals we can identify later on.”↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥No arrests have been made but Supt Warren said police would lay charges in the near future.↵⇥

↵↵↵Holy. Ishkabibble.↵

↵↵You know it’s a bad riot when the police give up and decide to simply wait to sort out the bodies later.↵

↵↵Gotta admit, the use of axes and spear lends further barbaric oomph to the proceedings. Whereas most ill-thinking people would be content to commit their insane sports violence with conventional modern tools of death like knives and guns, these people felt their regressive behavior would be aided by vintage weaponry. It’s no less stupid that way, obviously, but you can’t help but have your morbid curiosity piqued by a return to the classics.↵

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