Video: Adrian Peterson Has No Use For Planet Earth

By this stage, Adrian Peterson is bored with simply running into the end zone. It’s so two-dimensional, you know? Here we see Peterson make a couple of jukes, leap at the end zone, and come up just short . Everyone fails at their first attempt at flying, though, and on his second try, Peterson sailed over the Bengals’ line. It’s fairly common to see running backs do this, but it’s quite rare for them to go untouched in the process. Well, unless getting fallen on by Peterson counts as touching him.

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↵So, let’s go down the list for Peterson. Has he mastered the dimensions of length and width? Check. Height? Check. Time? Well, he obviously time-traveled from a future populated by superior running backs, so check. The remaining six or seven theoretical dimensions? Give him a year.