As everyone knows, attempting to play outdoor football north of the Tropic of Cancer in December is a fool’s errand. Someone forgot to tell the Chicago Bears, who are trying to fly themselves to Baltimore in time for Sunday’s 4:15 kickoff.
It’s Always Snowing Everywhere All The Time Right Now
↵↵A source with knowledge of the situation describes as “doubtful” the possibility that the window will open at any point on Saturday, and that the more likely outcome is that the Bears will fly to Baltimore on Sunday morning.
↵↵The Bears are flying from Chicago, where the weather is really bad, to Baltimore, where the weather is really bad. It’s time to ditch the airplane and invest in a gross of mules, several hundred feet of rope, snow goggles, and astronaut ice cream. Or, if they’re feeling particularly ambitious, they can try to open a wormhole between the two cities. One possible advantage of this is that given the resultant warp in spacetime, the Bears could emerge from the wormhole as a team with a possibility of reaching the playoffs.
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