80’s Mets Did Stuff Slightly Worse Than ‘Roids

Daryl Strawberry has an autobiography -- “Straw: Finding My Way” -- coming out soon. If you’re looking for an inspirational rags-to-riches-to-rags-to-whatever Stawberry is now story, you’ll wanna pass on this one. But if you’re into the rolling drug and sex circus that was the mid-80’s Mets, with baseball serving as the backdrop (and you know you are), then mark your calendar’s for April 28th. ↵

↵↵⇥Beer “was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle,” he writes. “We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke.” ... ↵⇥↵⇥Strawberry relates how team members picked out girls from the stands for quickies. He once watched a pitcher march a frisky fan to a private room for oral sex: “I was jealous. When I saw her heading back to her seat, I gave her a sign. She smiled, turned right back around, and met me in that same little room .... I had to be quick and run back out on the field.” ↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥Another time, “I was in the clubhouse, having one last quickie with this cute little Florida girl. Charlie Samuels, the equipment manager, came in and caught us. He just stood there shaking his head while I finished up.” ↵⇥

↵↵Ah, the 80’s. Baseball, you were so much more pure back then. Players doing blow off their locker stools, chugging beer between innings and having mass orgies on the road -- you were so sweet and innocent. Now look at you, wrapped up in all these PEDs and workout regimens. It’s almost like you wanna make yourself a better product. Put down the pills and do a line off a stripper’s chest already, geez.↵