Amelie Mauresmo Took Some Mushrooms, and Now the Ball Is Floating Independently and Talking to Her

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↵Our lawyers have informed us that we must disclose that the above title is completely fictional and that we have no reason to believe either Mauresmo or any other tennis player at this year’s French Open have engaged in any illicit drug use.
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↵Were this all to actually be the case, however, based on Mauresmo’s facial expression, we estimate that the ball has assumed the visage of someone Mauresmo wronged years ago, maybe even as a child. In Mauresmo’s hallucination, that person is here now as a tennis ball to exact their revenge. Again, this is all speculation on our part, but it’s worth noting that Mauresmo dropped this first-round match in straight sets. She was the highest-seeded woman to lose in all of first round play. Just sayin’.
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