Dice-K Hits the DL with Unfortunately Plausible Injury

In case you hadn’t noticed, Daisuke Matsuzaka isn’t having a very enjoyable year. The formerly dominant righty has basically imploded, going 1-5 with an ERA well over 8, a far cry from his stateside career numbers.
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↵Terry Francona has pulled the plug on Dice-K, placing him on the disabled list and telling fans not to expect to see him for a long time:↵↵⇥“This is not going to be a two-week DL,” Francona said. “We’re going to have to figure this out. We have a lot of work ahead of us trying to get him back to being Daisuke. We’ll try to do what’s in his best interest, and to be honest, I think we’re still trying to figure that out.”↵↵The official story is “strained shoulder,” to which we say, booooooo. That just shows a lack of creativity on Francona’s part. After all, if you’re going to make up an injury to put someone on the DL just because you don’t want them to keep pitching for you, give them a

fake injury.
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↵What we mean is this: Matsuzaka probably isn’t injured; his MRI didn’t show anything except “weakness.” So instead of having a fake shoulder strain, why can’t he have, say, a fake severed head? Wouldn’t you enjoy Terry Francona getting up there and saying, “yeah, we had an incident at the wood shop we have in the clubhouse, and Dice-K accidentally sawed his own head off. We’re working on it getting him back.”
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↵They could also just completely make up a condition. “Yeah, we got in there and looked on the MRI, and he’s got a reflangulated corsnock. It’s affecting his pitching motion and his gastrointestinal... what’s that? Yeah, the corsnock, it’s right next to the fleeval canal. Pick up an anatomy book for once, Shaughnessy. Next question.”
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↵We already know you’re lying, Francona, and that’s okay. It happens all the time. Just do us a favor and lie

. Makes everyone’s lives more entertaining.↵