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Study Finds Bicycle Seats Bad for Sperm Production. Well, Duh

Jul 11, 2009, 8:06 PM UTC

Are you a man? Have you ever been onâ†µa bicycle for more than 12 seconds? Oh, then you don’t need to readâ†µany bit of this, because it’s so scorchingly obvious that you’d justâ†µbe wasting your time.
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â†µOh, who are we kidding? This is theâ†µinternet. Time-wasting is what we do best.
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â†µAnyway, LiveSportsâ†µhas found a study by Spanish researchers confirming what we alreadyâ†µknow: sitting on a seat that puts all your weight on the taint and virtually jams “Big Hoss and The Roundballs” back into your abdomenâ†µis bad for the li’l swimmers:â†µâ†µâ‡¥Spanish researchers have found that active male cyclists haveâ†µâ‡¥lower quality sperm to the point of infertility risk. Among otherâ†µâ‡¥things, they blame the painful “function over form” designâ†µâ‡¥of the wedge bicycle seat.
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â†µâ‡¥The good news is that unless you’re training to be in the nextâ†µâ‡¥Tour de France with Lance Armstrong, your time on the saddleâ†µâ‡¥shouldn’t do any long-term damage.â†µâ†µThe study, which was headedâ†µby a woman, found a “statistically adverse correlationâ†µbetween sperm morphology and the volume of cycling trainingâ†µundertaken per week,” which is to say the more time spentâ†µrigorously exercising atop the Crotch Killer, the worse the structureâ†µof your salt babies becomes. And if it’s bad for babymaking, it’sâ†µnecessarily bad for the continuation of the human species.
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â†µTheâ†µonly reasonable solution is clear: ban all bicycles until each andâ†µevery one of them is better tailored to anatomical reality.â†µAnything less is tantamount to treason against Pubesylvania, its Six Inch Governor and its Hairy Treasury Department.â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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