General

TSB Americana: Jozy Altidore as Chas Lindbergh

Jul 3, 2009, 3:25 PM UTC

We won’t have regularly-scheduled TSB programming Friday through Sunday as everyone heads out to the beach, but for those of you stuck in offices or afraid of that glowing orb outside, we hope you enjoy some of sports’ biggest figures in different pieces of Americana.â†µ

â†µâ†µ

â†µâ†µJozy Altidore and Chas A.â†µLindbergh, Jr.: young, potential-laden lads kidnapped from theirâ†µhome by people whose grasp of English is poor, then hidden away forâ†µmonths at a time. A nation waits with bated breath. Is he okay? Whereâ†µhas he gone? Is his first touch any better?â†µ

â†µâ†µFor Chas, the answers to these questions were “no,”â†µ“about five miles from his home,” and “uh… what?”â†µAbout two months after he disappeared, he was found dead by theâ†µroadside. Jozy’s faring better; his answers are “pretty much,”â†µ“some place called Xerex,” and “eh ... not really.” Heâ†µwreaked his terrible vengeance on Spain in the Confederations Cup. Butâ†µthe threat of wasted potential still looms. With the World Cup coming upâ†µnext year, nationwide panic -- nay, hysteria -- is certain if Altidore is notâ†µrestored to his rightful place in someone’s starting lineup. â†µ

â†µâ†µSo, please, Villareal, stay your hand and loan him to someplace thatâ†µwill play him. Otherwise the FBI will drag you into court, and probablyâ†µsentence you to swing. This country will not abide another Eddieâ†µJohnson.â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

See More: